mercredi, juin 04, 2008


This is the first entry composed from my new workspace. Everybody has left the office, which leaves me with basically nothing to do. Jam won't start till 8.40pm and basically, I'm going to stick around for a while before heading to Uptown with a mission to get the groove back.

It's funny (at least to me) to discover my reaction when a friend broke the news that someone is actually interested to get to know me. Being a person who has the reputation of repelling people instead of attracting them, Ihave to admit that it is rather 'disturbing' than flattering.

Way back when I was a lot younger, I used to have the guts to go to blind dates. Very brave I must admit. However, the bravery is not applicable to the current situation. Mostly because I have found my standard and am pretty sure that any date set for me will be just another waste of time.

Maybe it's the benchmark I have now- Sean.

He's a rare breed. I don't think it's easy to find a person is able to fulfill the requirement.

And I don't say it's impossible.

It's just that it'll be a painstakingly difficult head hunting session to conduct.

I was at the verge of having an emotional breakdown after having a slight misunderstanding with Sean. And I almost confessed about the feelings I have for him.

Almost doesn't count...

We're now back to our regular socializing activities.

The urge is not as bad as the last time. I even had a moment when I woke up one morning with a decision of giving him a second thought; of giving the whole thing a re-evaluation.

It nevertheless provides me with a relief from having to invest my emotion on unnecessary issue.

Just how complicated can it grow, I'd like to know.

Ikkie has been out of the picture eversince I made the decision to put a stop to the whole shit he had with his uncertainties. I blocked him from my life long enough before I decided that it's time to disband him from the cold treatment.

We resume communication but not without a price. As the result of his game, I refuse to let him end every convo without having the taste of my sarcasm.

No more Miss Nicey.

Truth is, I wonder if these guys are the only options for me to choose from. I haven't been dating entirely new guys for the past few years.

If you think your love life is pathetic, how about taking my suggestion to assessing your statement again.

lundi, mars 03, 2008

The Time When The Feelings I Hate Appears

I need a replacement.

Enough said.

I need it NOW!

vendredi, février 29, 2008

When It's Really The Time To Let Go...

Today will be the day where I will officially tender my resignation from The Company. R has had her session this morning after I chickened out the last minute (haha! no lah. I just had my breakfast and the sugar rush has yet to kick in.). I am going to do it after lunch, before he leaves home.

Resigning is too alien to me considering that this is my very first job. I had to refer to samples online, which I found very straightforward. That is one thing about the mat salleh. They prefer to keep things simple and direct whereas our interpretation of so-called good letters/documents equals to a compilation of pages with thousands and thousands of words.

I have started to spring clean my PC, throwing away the old mp3s and rearranging the documents for easy reference by my manager once I'm gone. I've yet to transfer my personal files. Nothing much to save 'cept the pictures.

But better triple check so as not to leave any trace of personal and juicy informations around.


I have started my first team teach last week. Unfortunately, I won't be doing any this week. So many things to think about which leaves me with an exhausted mind and little space for Jam matters. The good news is, I actually have more than 3 months to get myself cleared.

Thank you God!

The rest of the batch have started to do replacements and one of them managed to secure a class of her own. Good for her.


Regarding the new job I'm taking, I will not reveal much about it for now as I am not officially the staff yet.


jeudi, janvier 24, 2008

Another Day, Another Day...

Been listening to Colbie Caillait's Bubbly the whole day in the office. Though the working hour hasn't officially over yet, I am sure it's going to be in the playlist even till tomorrow, which is the most awaited day of the week.

Friday should be celebrated by listening to feel-good songs.

Over lunch today, my colleague suddenly asked me a question I kind of expected. She asked me if I see myself staying here for another year(s). Being a person who has finally made up her mind, I was confident on my answer.

"I'm leaving this April..."

Apparently, she's been asking others the same question. I refused to know about the answers provided by others as they are predictable enough.

With her being a devoted Christian and a gym buddy (as she is also an instructor) as well as a friend, I trusted myself on spilling to her the details on my resignation without worry.

After all, I've been trying to find someone to talk to and when the opportunity finally arrived, especially when it is someone who understands the situation, it didn't take me much to do it.

She's going to leave soon anyways... How soon? Soon...

Even before I screwed up, I've been constantly having this thought. However, I couldn't materialize it due to the sudden project I had to attend to, which sent me away for more than 6 months.

There are a few issues with the management that I don't agree with, that clash with my principles of doing work but I've been telling myself to keep one eye closed and treated them as normal things.

Like what R said, "The management is the head, and we are merely the body which is governed by it. Wherever it wants to go, we have no other choice but to follow..."

I couldn't argue more...

We had to bear with the consequences at times when the head was heading towards the wrong direction, which left us exhausted both mentally and physically.

It's like going on a trip with an outdated map...

To be frank, with the way it's being managed, I couldn't predict the fate of this organization in 3- 5 years time. I seriously can't.

There are a few questions mostly about myself that I've yet to find.

I guess they will only be answered when the time arrives...

mardi, janvier 22, 2008

The Day When I Spilled Everything Out

I had a long talk with the boss. As I walked out of his room, I felt strangely calm. It's the feeling of relief after letting go a heavy emotional burden away from you.

I can focus more on my work now and I can feel the motivation coming back.

But I've made up my mind of not sticking around.

That's another decision I can't afford to make.

It's for the best of both parties.

In the meantime, I will have to focus on my current project and leave the place with pride...