Contradiction

We're not going anywhere this Chinese New Year.

"Tiket murah dah habis."

me: *lega*

******

Alif told me something that I should, or as what he said, 'supposed' to know long time ago regarding a rebellious friend. A soul trapped inside a wrong body, as I like to put it. Always is the frail, damsel in despair. 'Sliting' wrists, Panadol and Coke, smoking, endless crying are some of the moments I can still recall.

And I guess by now, she has gotten what she always wanted: Freedom. Freedom from the restrictions ruled by her strict parents; freedom from the cocoon that has been trapping her ever since; freedom from... everything.


"Do you know that she is no longer the girl we used to know... physically...?"

"People change, Nor... people change. With her, it's just a matter of time..."

"She looks cool when I saw her last Sunday."

"I'm sure you know that she is not the kampung type, don't you..."


The last time I saw her was a year back. That was when she had some business in UMMC for her final year project. She's now working at one of the banks in KL.

"Dia dah 'rosak' sekarang, Kay."

"What made you say that?"

"C'mon Kay, with the mat salleh bf staying at her house and all and you still think that nothing ever happened?"


I don't blame myself for being oblivious about her whereabouts for that's the option of my own I came to pick. Mainly because I've had enough and have done everything necessary to help her, and perhaps, because I was sick of her.

Sometimes when you've given all your best to help someone, just to find out that she, on the other hand, doesn't make any effort to help herself, you will eventually come to a point of stopping everything... for good.

I don't feel bad about it.

Yeah, perhaps she really has changed. I have changed, Nor has changed, Alif has changed, in fact, everybody's changed. The only thing that differentiates each and everyone of us is the path we chose.

As I come to this paragraph, a somewhat sad emotion begins to well up. Something that I can't quite figure out. A mixture of regret, stupidity and... some other things that I am not sure of.

Maybe I should start mending the worn-out relationships... or maybe do nothing at all.