Get Your Hands Off Me You Dirty Old Perv Ass!!!


Aku seorang pekebun amatur yang telah menyiapkan lebih 50% daripada landskap kosong Garden of Eden yang telah sekian lama dibuat derk dengan bantuan pokok-pokok yang tersedia besar.

It was a helluva day. I was completely drained and there are remnants of dirt under my nails and not to forget, fresh scratches. (My arms are not meant to be featured in any of the diamond ring ads.) Sekali imbas nampak macam budak suicidal.

Drove mom to Kajang first thing in the morning to settle the tax and to the nursery next. We bought some shrubs and a few other stuffs for the �garden�. The process was like any other pergi, usha dan beli. So, nothing to share here.

Home. Unloaded everything and straight away grab the one and only penyodok gigi (err, what do we call it in both Malay and English aaa?) which I have to rely on 100% during the whole digging session. Batu besar penumbuk pon dikeluarkan dengan penyodok tersebut.

Aargh! Out of shrubs in the middle of my concentration!!! Interrupted work is the least I want to face. And that was around 12 noon. Need to send my sister to her school at 2 but before that, she needed to be fed. Naseb baik kuah soto dah siap, tinggal goreng begedel and tumbuk cili padi. But then again, the kitchen was in a mess and my attention was split into two as to set the table and to take a sneak peek at the TV. Ceta Seriau. Left at 1.55 pm and reached home just on time for the rerun of CSI. Tengah syok petik taugeh when dad wanted to ronda-ronda carik pokok. There goes my CSI�

Nursery Bangi. Not that impressive. I don�t think that I would get the things I want. The gardener in charge was an Indonesian, probably a Javanese.

*Shit! I think I just swallowed an ant. Bebal aku 40 hari!*

Like usual, I scanned the place for anything interesting to get. One floating plant caught my attention. Nice. So I asked the Indon about it and lets just say that he was lucky enough to get home alive as I felt like grabbing his head and gag him with the plant! Cara dia jawab soalan aku??? Cam PERVERT! Lepas tuh siap sentuh tangan aku!!! Tak boleh ke cakap tanpa tangan tu sentuh aku???? Tak boleh kah???? Dalam kepala aku siap ridiculous thoughts pasal ubat pengasih, bomohkan aku just by a brief touch, mystical power� waaa!!! Sangat gabra!!! (Korang pun memang dah sedia maklum pasal black magic diaorang tuh kan! Main black magic macam main konda kondi!) Tak padan tua! Konon ingat aku terhibur la pasal cute remarks ko tuh?!! Korek idong aku!

Anyways, we did get something from there: Pokok keladi for dad and pokok lili untuk garden aku. Can�t wait for the buds to appear.

The journey continued and this time, the destination was again the Cheras nursery. Bought 3 more bags of shrubs and then wandered around the compound for any flower plant. Aimed for Seri Wangi but ended up with an unknown plant with purple flowers.

�Bang, pokok ni nak jual ke?� (this question was asked as I found it at the �restoration� area)

�Kalau nak beli, jual��

Okay, I could detect some sarcasm here.

�OK, saya nak beli pokok ni. Brape abang nak bagi saya?�

�Err, herm�ok lah, 2 inggit lah�

Now my dear brader, meet Ms. Bargain�

�2 inggit? Erm, 1.50 boleh?�

"mumble�mumble��. nak beli teh-O pon tak lepas�mumble� mumble��

Okay, now I�m getting annoyed and I swear I won�t walk away empty handed. With �relax�cool�bertenang� voice�

�Alah bang, boleh la� 1.50. Tuh pon dah nak mati dah. 1.50 lah bang yek?�

��Ni kira dah nak idop balik ni, aritue lagi macam nak mati�

�Bang, boleh la yek? 1.50? Ok la ek?� (terpakse fake expression ngan intonation for that)

*pause... or more like a silent pray*

�Ok la.�

Victory for Ms. kAy!!! I succeeded on the plant bargain while he failed to sell it for 2 bucks. Eh, kire dah ok tau ade orang yang beli. Kalo tak, bende alah tuh akan terperuk je lah kat sana.

Balik rumah. Start digging again till 7.30 pm. Belambak gile batu! Argh! It�s 2 am and I seriously need to hit the bed.