I do feel gloomy Gus too...(part I)


Dear diary,

I am depressed. Holiday makes me depressed. I don�t have anything that can divert my attention and get me busy. Here I am, feeling down, feeling really down. Now calm down...

Wait a minute, a phone call.

Okay, back. Boy, I feel a lot better. Again, a phone call saved my day. Going to meet a friend somewhere on Wednesday or Thursday. *smiles*

I was surfing a few blogs through links. Came across a few happy souls� blogs, who are deeply in love. Then, it suddenly occurred to me that I�m alone. There you go again Kay, there you go again..

Sometimes, I want to know what it feels to have that someone but I don�t think there are a lot of guys out there who can stand me and accept my principle. Most guys want girls who are lemah lembut, sopan santun like perempuan melayu terakhir. I�M JUST NOT! I am not a girl who will go all tersipu-sipu malu when a guy throws me a smile, I am not a girl who has the patience, I am a girl with disturbing mood swings, and I am a cynical bitch with full of doubts I have towards everyone.

�Suspicion is healthy, it keeps you alive�

Guy1: Err, you ARE actually like that? Err, owh�okay�..
Guy2: *saying silently* There�s no way I�m going to take her as my girl.
Guy3: I�ll pass!

That is why I�m still single up to this moment.

�Ma, if I�m 30 and still not married, feel free to match make me with anyone you like.�

Geez, I am pathetic!


Dear diary,

I need to stop this! I want to have an enjoyable break. I need a distraction. THINK! THINK! THINK!


I wish I can�


�Call up a friend and hang out at mamaks. Owh I just can�t. Why? Because I AM A GIRL AND NOT A BOY� It�s dangerous�

�Have a drive around town at this hour. Owh I just can�t. Why? Because I AM A GIRL AND NOT A BOY� It�s dangerous�

�Spend my time alone at a park, lying on the grass, staring at the dark sky. Owh I just can�t. Why? Because I AM A GIRL AND NOT A BOY� It�s dangerous�


I can only�


� Sit quietly inside my room�

� Read a book�

� Go online and chat with new people� *sigh*

� Change my layout�

� Have a chat on the phone� which I don�t feel like doing�

� Watch Laila Isabella again for a midnight movie� under consideration�

� Dash to 7-e and buy the largest Big Gulp, a lot of junk foods and slurpee, which I don�t think that I can finish all up in one session� nafsu, nafsu.

� Think about my misery by creating another misery� oh my, oh why�

� SMS everyone�