B.i.t.E ME!! ngap!

:)

2008-06-04T19:10:00.003+08:00

This is the first entry composed from my new workspace. Everybody has left the office, which leaves me with basically nothing to do. Jam won't start till 8.40pm and basically, I'm going to stick around for a while before heading to Uptown with a mission to get the groove back.

It's funny (at least to me) to discover my reaction when a friend broke the news that someone is actually interested to get to know me. Being a person who has the reputation of repelling people instead of attracting them, Ihave to admit that it is rather 'disturbing' than flattering.

Way back when I was a lot younger, I used to have the guts to go to blind dates. Very brave I must admit. However, the bravery is not applicable to the current situation. Mostly because I have found my standard and am pretty sure that any date set for me will be just another waste of time.

Maybe it's the benchmark I have now- Sean.

He's a rare breed. I don't think it's easy to find a person is able to fulfill the requirement.

And I don't say it's impossible.

It's just that it'll be a painstakingly difficult head hunting session to conduct.

I was at the verge of having an emotional breakdown after having a slight misunderstanding with Sean. And I almost confessed about the feelings I have for him.

Almost doesn't count...

We're now back to our regular socializing activities.

The urge is not as bad as the last time. I even had a moment when I woke up one morning with a decision of giving him a second thought; of giving the whole thing a re-evaluation.

It nevertheless provides me with a relief from having to invest my emotion on unnecessary issue.

Just how complicated can it grow, I'd like to know.

Ikkie has been out of the picture eversince I made the decision to put a stop to the whole shit he had with his uncertainties. I blocked him from my life long enough before I decided that it's time to disband him from the cold treatment.

We resume communication but not without a price. As the result of his game, I refuse to let him end every convo without having the taste of my sarcasm.

No more Miss Nicey.

Truth is, I wonder if these guys are the only options for me to choose from. I haven't been dating entirely new guys for the past few years.

If you think your love life is pathetic, how about taking my suggestion to assessing your statement again.

The Time When The Feelings I Hate Appears

2008-03-03T18:38:00.001+08:00

I need a replacement.

Enough said.

I need it NOW!

When It's Really The Time To Let Go...

2008-02-29T12:29:00.003+08:00

Today will be the day where I will officially tender my resignation from The Company. R has had her session this morning after I chickened out the last minute (haha! no lah. I just had my breakfast and the sugar rush has yet to kick in.). I am going to do it after lunch, before he leaves home.

Resigning is too alien to me considering that this is my very first job. I had to refer to samples online, which I found very straightforward. That is one thing about the mat salleh. They prefer to keep things simple and direct whereas our interpretation of so-called good letters/documents equals to a compilation of pages with thousands and thousands of words.

I have started to spring clean my PC, throwing away the old mp3s and rearranging the documents for easy reference by my manager once I'm gone. I've yet to transfer my personal files. Nothing much to save 'cept the pictures.

But better triple check so as not to leave any trace of personal and juicy informations around.

*******

I have started my first team teach last week. Unfortunately, I won't be doing any this week. So many things to think about which leaves me with an exhausted mind and little space for Jam matters. The good news is, I actually have more than 3 months to get myself cleared.

Thank you God!

The rest of the batch have started to do replacements and one of them managed to secure a class of her own. Good for her.

*********

Regarding the new job I'm taking, I will not reveal much about it for now as I am not officially the staff yet.

:)

Another Day, Another Day...

2008-01-24T16:41:00.000+08:00

Been listening to Colbie Caillait's Bubbly the whole day in the office. Though the working hour hasn't officially over yet, I am sure it's going to be in the playlist even till tomorrow, which is the most awaited day of the week.

Friday should be celebrated by listening to feel-good songs.

Over lunch today, my colleague suddenly asked me a question I kind of expected. She asked me if I see myself staying here for another year(s). Being a person who has finally made up her mind, I was confident on my answer.

"I'm leaving this April..."

Apparently, she's been asking others the same question. I refused to know about the answers provided by others as they are predictable enough.

With her being a devoted Christian and a gym buddy (as she is also an instructor) as well as a friend, I trusted myself on spilling to her the details on my resignation without worry.

After all, I've been trying to find someone to talk to and when the opportunity finally arrived, especially when it is someone who understands the situation, it didn't take me much to do it.

She's going to leave soon anyways... How soon? Soon...

Even before I screwed up, I've been constantly having this thought. However, I couldn't materialize it due to the sudden project I had to attend to, which sent me away for more than 6 months.

There are a few issues with the management that I don't agree with, that clash with my principles of doing work but I've been telling myself to keep one eye closed and treated them as normal things.

Like what R said, "The management is the head, and we are merely the body which is governed by it. Wherever it wants to go, we have no other choice but to follow..."

I couldn't argue more...

We had to bear with the consequences at times when the head was heading towards the wrong direction, which left us exhausted both mentally and physically.

It's like going on a trip with an outdated map...

To be frank, with the way it's being managed, I couldn't predict the fate of this organization in 3- 5 years time. I seriously can't.

There are a few questions mostly about myself that I've yet to find.

I guess they will only be answered when the time arrives...

The Day When I Spilled Everything Out

2008-01-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

I had a long talk with the boss. As I walked out of his room, I felt strangely calm. It's the feeling of relief after letting go a heavy emotional burden away from you.

I can focus more on my work now and I can feel the motivation coming back.

But I've made up my mind of not sticking around.

That's another decision I can't afford to make.

It's for the best of both parties.

In the meantime, I will have to focus on my current project and leave the place with pride...

It's Time For Me To Move On

2008-01-21T17:23:00.000+08:00

I've reached a point of having enough of doing what I am currently doing. I've been suffering for a long time that it affects my performance and putting my reputation at stake. Because of my lack of interest in this job and my exhausted supply of motivation, I've made up my mind on moving on to other challenges.

I can't stay any longer. The longer I postpone my leave, the more mistakes I make and the more I'll make the company suffer.

I haven't done any bad doings. I just failed to pay super, super detailed attention to the project I handled and neglected my consensus.

I am not sure if I should put the blame on my superiors or divert the fingers to me and me alone. I bombarded Sean with thousands of questions, questioning the credibility of my judgement and analysis of my situation.

Perhaps I should do more research on people who is facing the same dilemma like I do just to guide me and to tell me if what I am having is abnormal or the otherwise.

I've been seeing people come and go, getting new subordinates just to be replaced by another one.

One after another...

I am the only survivor left in my department. Being in a small company and by looking at the the current workload, their absence bears no weight. In return, I have no sense of competition and start to take things for granted. I am unsure if everything I feel is due to my being childish or immature but I'm sure there are employees out there who share the same sentiment. I just don't know if I fall into the positive category or the negative one where it hold the people who are underqualified but demanding.

I've been suffering for quite a long time. Try to track the entry on my work dilemma and you know it is nothing new. As a matter of fact, it started way before the entry was created. Let's just say that I've been trying to remotivate myself since end of 2006...

It's amazing on how long I still manage to stick around despite the lack of self-motivation and personal satisfaction.

Will keep you updated on the latest.

Update on Instructorship:

I am at the final stage before I can teach alone in the club. Wish me luck!

Exhausted

2007-11-28T09:33:00.000+08:00

I am exhausted. Both physically and mentally. It makes me realized that I am not in a level where I can proudly say 'I am fit'.

Being this far, I can't help but getting impressed with my fellow instructors who are mostly part timers. With the demanding 9-5 job scope that seem to expand each single day, it's amazing how they manage their time between rushing to classes and memorizing each new releases within a few weeks.

Juggling, juggling...

Here I am, trying to tell myself that my timing still requires in-depth analysis to work out an action plan. Not only because I have indulged myself into a new commitment (which is something that I love to do), I also have to play around in getting my parents to get used to it (having to teach = getting home late = having to hear the music).

I screwed up (just a little) during the tuition. Just when I thought I have memorized the whole track, the brain decided to freeze when it was my time. The same incident happened last night during the second tuition.

I've learnt a few things as I grow older. One of them is to avoid giving excuses.

But this one is an honest confession. I didn't have enough time to work my brain. At times like these I wished the day comprises of additional 12 hours.

.
.
.

People don't prefer to hear excuses even when yours are strong and valid. Giving 'lack of time' as an excuse will be the ludicrous lot. Most of the Jammers I know are like me. They have a day job. Teaching is a thing they do out of passion and perhaps, to add extra cash in hand. With the jobs that are forever demanding, they, like me, have to learn to manage their time well- from family to friends and doing things they to love to do.

But then again, if they can do it, I have no reason to say I can't. It's just a matter of making it happen or not.

I am so manja. Manja in a sense of not opening up to new challenges, or rather not giving myself a chance to open up. Being confined in this comfort zone for quite long, to break free from it will be one bloody challenging task to do.

And I know I have an issue to deal with - a crash course in Time Management.

Follow, Hollow

2007-10-20T03:59:00.000+08:00

The thoughts of Ikkie still bug me, although they are in a very trivial sum.

Spending unplanned 4 hours pouring my heart out to Hana was proven to be a saviour. As we involved deeper into the conversation, solutions seeped into me willingly.

That's what you'll get when you work you brain during its most 'tranquillized' state.

How soothing it is to finally being able to channel the emotion out especially without having to do the explanation from scratch.

Even more so when you are supplied with a Lavender eye pillow and another bottle of aromatherapy oil. The only thing that's missing is a good back massage.

I can live without it for now.

All I need at this very moment is a good sleep.
It's almost 30 to 5 am.
It's been a while since I hit the sack this late. I'm predicting grogginess come tomorrow morning.
And my stomach is on the verge of betraying me.

When You're Gone...

2007-10-17T10:02:00.000+08:00

Each time when I think of this phrase, I can't help myself but recalling Boyz II Men's track- Water Runs Dry.

There are things I always take for granted. Love is one of them.

Because of this, I have lost a potential husband.

It's sorrow for me but it happened due to my own decision and that is why I am absolutely not in the right position to whine nor cursing myself for the act of stupidity.

The best I can do is to pray for the best and as a good friend, I should be happy for this friend of mine has found a good girl who can make his day after a long day at work.

At times, I think I am pudding head for failing to see the bigger picture but I guess it's true that when you are not ready to confront the situation, you will do almost any sorts of diversion to prevent it from heading towards the correct path.

I was on the verge of tears when I spoke with Alif. But this is totally a different matter.

Alif called Ikkie dayus for having to say what he said before we departed yesterday.

It made me feel better nonetheless. He's right. Ikkie has no right to put me into that miserable state. He has no right at all. All these while I thought I am so over him.

Actually I am still not.

Not when I see the bond between him and my parents...

Truthfully, I've had enough of this love hullabaloo.

I've had enough of investing my feelings to people just to be in dead end in the end.
I've had enough of feeling miserable. Twice in a year is enough.

Enough is enough (Enough)

I'm Stupid, You're Stupid and So Do All Of Us!

2007-07-24T11:47:00.000+08:00

Women are stupider when it comes to love.

It depends on one's interpretation of stupid.

'Stupid' can mean not having enough knowledge.

'Stupid' can mean lack of the ability to process inputs.

'Stupid' can mean having the awareness of the consequences of the action but refuse to acknowledge the hunches and simply go for it.

'Stupid' can mean blaming yourself for the action you take when you know it's going to happen to you.

'Stupid' can also mean deciding to stay blind towards the good things presented in front of you and later regret the decision after you are already in neck-deep shit.

Well I guess, having to read the variation of definition we have for the word 'stupid', one will be able to see that everything falls into the same basket; that stupidity exists not beyond one's awareness. Or maybe it does but once you've gained contact with your inner stupidity, you have all the 'next plans of action' to consider.

That's the time when your wit is being tested, ya know, to see if you can break the stupidity and make a wise decision to overshadow it.

So getting back to the first sentence of this entry, if you think saying 'Yes' to all the requests from the guy (I mean EVERYTHING) is considered as stupid, I just have to agree with you.

Us women tend to follow blindly what our hearts tell us to do. Sad but true. And as much as we have the senses intact, we always tell ourselves that it's okay to do so when the fact that it's an obvious No-No...

... like giving him the 6th chance when you caught him on bed with a hot chick that looks like Amber Chia.

Or saying that 'He's broke and as a good girlfriend I should support him to show my love' when asking you for cash is his new monthly habit.

Or perhaps agreeing to his request of having sex with you when your brain says it's not right to do so.

As much as I hate looking at these facts, I have to agree to today's morning topic in MixFM... that us women can get very stupid when we're in love.

The best thing to do now is not to let the stupidity gets in our way. That can only be achieved by listening to what BOTH your mind and heart say.

Simple as that.

Tapi ada jugak yang tak faham-faham bahasa and make decisions based on the never-ending 'What Ifs' like yours trully.

So I pray that God will give me all the petunjuk in the world.

Amin together with me y'all.

Hear Me For This Is Something Rare

2007-07-23T13:29:00.000+08:00

What I am about to write is something that I rarely feel, something that I seldom share and something I don't often do.

************

I've been alone for a long time. My last relationship was no more than of an affair. I didn't quite remember the reason why I said Yes to it but the moment I agreed to it was lucid. We went to a wedding together and it was during my drive back home that I felt I was ready for a relationship with himhim.

It took me quite a while to agree to it but eventually it happened.

I don't want to tell you what took place after that as they are all insignificant. Not that it hurts a lot just that I don't feel the need to mention the rest of the details.

*************

To say that I don't have a person (or two) who love(s) me would be a lie. I have a dear friend to start with. And there is still a person who is still trying to make me 'see' and make me realize that I am presented with a wonderful guy who appreciates me and have the patience in the world to stand my constant tantrums.

Then, what actually makes me hold myself from saying 'Yes' this time?

If you're ready for the L thing and if you stop thinking too much, it'll be a whole lot easier to allow it to happen.

The thing is, I think too much and I'm afraid of too many things. Some of which are quite silly.

I am being paranoid over many unnecessary things.

Now you see the reason why.

*************

Sometimes We Complain Because It's Therapeutic To Do So

2007-07-17T20:11:00.000+08:00

Forget about the title. It is just a poyo headline being put up for the sake of having a title. It's like Penanggal who doesn't need a body to get to business. Just head. But mine is vice versa. But in the end it points towards the same meaning- ada kepala/badan atau tak, the matter will remain the same.

Life has been both cruel and kind to me, which is an indicator that I am leading a totally normal life.

Yup, totally normal.

In a quest of searching for some sort of fulfillment in my life, especially a satisfying career, I begin to question my innerself on what exactly that I want to achieve in life... at least once.

To work abroad.
A handsome salary.
An enjoyable workplace and cool working culture.

There goes.

So where do I go from here?

1) More research on what EXACTLY that I want to do.
2) Immediately start to browse the classified section for any possible opportunity upon project completion.
3) Start to update the resume.

On My After-9-to-5 Job

Once I obtain the clearance to teach a class (even as a temporary replacement instructor), it will be an add-on to my career. Not as a total replacement to my 9-5 but as a channel to destress after a long day.

The reason of my joining the Instructorship Program will always be about spreading my passion to the rest of the people. It can be financially rewarding but that's totally secondary.

When you do something out of passion, the results will always be a rewarding one. You'll find fulfillment after each completed task and it will never be dreadful.

Now you know how much I love my second job.

Because it is done based on my willingness to offer...

I'm Here Still

2007-07-03T10:58:00.000+08:00

Haven't resigned from the blogging world yet. Only that this has become my secondary shack. :)

Quick update on my Instructorship Program... and me:

1) I have completed first round of shadowing. And that's for release 40.
2) I've yet to start shadowing for release 41. Am making arrangement for this Friday's session with urm, either Kak Ju or Kak Leo.
3) I have to complete my assessment to Team Teach by mid July. :S
4) I have to get cleared to instruct by August. It means, if everything goes well according to plan, I can become a substitute instructor from that month onwards.
5) The next Quarterly Release will be this August. Giler cepat! I even barely memorize the choreo yet.
6) I am not sure if I have to freeze my FF account for the rest of the remaining months of 2007... Apparently the project actually commences AFTER June. Bodo! I'm stuck in KP until the End-Year school holiday! Lagi mengong!

Fellas, Meet Your Jammers

2007-05-18T14:27:00.001+08:00

Being a first timer to the Quarterly Workshop, I didn't know what to expect 'cept for having a feeling of being 'kecik' due to the fact that I am a tot in this area. Those in the picture (excluding the guy in black and yours trully) are the the 'already seasoned' instructors. With Kak Leo as head teacher for Jam, I am oh so blessed. Hell they all know how to move alright!

With my absence 5 days a week and with the hectic schedule yang tak habis-habis on the weekends (the only period where I am around), I need to find time to get myself clear to shadow. The 4 of us newbies had already forgone the assessment and are ready to shadow but am not so sure about the rest of the Pass members.

The Big Day Tuition next Saturday will require me to do another additional homework- to at least master the technique if not memorizing the 'what's next'. Last Saturday, after being tired of doing the same routine, me and Kit decided to have Release 41 on the dance floor. Damn lot easier and more hips-butts isolation.

The songs may be not my cup of tea but when the moves are cool, who cares?

News Flash!

2007-04-03T18:19:00.000+08:00

One news...

I AM THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND!

Hehehe...

The training was great (though I screwed up quite a lot in my execution) and the crowd was awesome. If I am given a person to pick for my Hate List, that will be the girl in red who is at the front. She's soo perasan bagus just because she attends so many dance classes till some of the instructors cringe when reading her blog on the audition (doesn't that prove you something that she's super stupid at dancing till she has to go to many classes for that?). Perasan sangat lah Kylie liked your 'flava' sampai dia tengok muka kau most of the time. For all you know, she might be lauging her heart out looking at the way you dance rather than 'admiring' your so-called style.

Some people just perasan and we can't blame 'em for that.

I can also be perasan and say that Kylie always looked at me while she's talking and make such claim that George always looked at me while talking and said 'Wheeeuuu' (as in 'Way go girl!') each time he saw me did my Breakdown Charleston. For goodness sake, that's not something you can brag about! I can always make such claim and spread it to others but I decided not to do so as that's not and indicator that the trainers favour you more than anybody else.

Get real, bitch!

And for being in the same team for the challenge and with her 'very brilliant moves she learnt from the hip hop classes', we didn't even manage to come out with a combo that matches the track.

For crying out loud bitch! IT'S A HIP HOP AND NOT A JAZZ!!! So what if we scoop some of the moves from the previous release. It's all about putting the puzzles together in given timeframe.

She needs to know that she's not as good as she thinks she is. Otherwise, she would've passed in Excellence...

p/s: Spot me if you can! (Macam la susah sangat...)

Counting The Days

2007-03-28T19:48:00.000+08:00

I failed to rehearse on my moves again. Tiredness made me cancel the snooze mode. The wish to 'groove' past midnight hanya tinggal kenangan. I surrendered to the needs of my eyes.

Today's plan was also a failure. I would've made it to the morning run if it wasn't because of the 'missing-in-action' Astro bill. Instead of hitting the hot shower at The Gym, I washed myself at the 'comfort of my own bathroom'. Well, at least the water from the tank is warm enough to calm me down.

Somehow, I could sense that this Wednesday would not be as good as I want it to be.

True enough.

I had a lengthy project meeting which started at 10.45 am and ended at 1.45 pm. 1.45 pm means 15 minutes after yoga, which tells you that I MISSED JEAN'S CLASS!

And the meeting wasn't even a good one.

Food is proven to be my best remedy during stressful periods. Food makes me feel good (Hell! It makes everybody feels good!). It has the ability to tweak my mood from 'rotten' to 'jolly!'. So yeah, I had a set of Mc Chicken... LARGE! I super love fries. Forget about being fat and such. I have my 'slim gene' to take care of the metabolic rate.

Oh, not to forget the regular 3-times-a-week yoga and Jam classes.

The bottomline is, this week is going to be slightly rough. With work and upcoming training jitter, I am already mentally numb.

Really numb.

I'm Almost There

2007-03-27T09:48:00.000+08:00

Not 'there' as in the assessment but 'there' as in moving towards The Day itself. Forget the assessment jitter. I leave it to the state of mind during the training itself. Tired mind and body can do wonders in overcoming fear, nervous-ness and other sorts of not-so-good feeling. I'm partially ready, physically and mentally. Monday has drained my energy. Worked for 12 hours and the journey home felt like KL-Ipoh trip.

This week is going to be the start to a no-more-lenggang-lenggang-kangkong period. With a project that requires me not to be in town most of the time, I doubt I'll able to fulfill the 3-months probation-cum-clearance period. But who knows, with much perseverance, I may complete the probation and will be allowed to fill in empty slots. Now that is one stone up to the benchmark of my 'kesungguhan'.

I'm a Yoga junkie still. Jean's class is getting more interesting and Dr. Dhilip is diving more into something that a proper center would provide. I see it as a balance.

Speaking of balance, if commitment permits, I might take up Balance as well. :) But that's on a much later part. One can't be too tamak, kan?

A New Chapter

2007-03-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

Come April, if everything goes well according to plan, I will, InsyaAllah, become a certified Les Mills BodyJam instructor. I'm planning to turn this into 'Diari Seorang Instructor Yang Terlampau', whereby I'll rant mostly on my new journey as an instructor. The best part is, you can see me grow, from the very first day itself till I-don't-know-when.

The training will be on next Friday. Pray that I'll pass the 'Clear to Train' level. :)

Sampai Kapan...?

2007-03-13T10:03:00.000+08:00

Menantikanmu dalam jiwaku,
Sabarku menunggu,
Berharap sendiri...

It hurts when you have to part with someone you dear so much. But it hurts more after knowing the fact you've found someone that you consider as The Right One and yet s/he out of reach and probably will be forever...

Pantaskah diriku ini mengharapkan,
Suatu yang lebih dari hanya sekedar perhatian,
Dari dirimu yang kau anggap biasa saja...

The last time I invested emotionally on someone was 3 years ago. I recovered faster than the fastest bullet train. However, the last experience didn't put me into where I am today : a dedicated resident of Singleville. I chose to remain unattached for I feel it's best to do some self-analysis on myself rather than spending the time trying to understand other people. By not doing so, you're not only being unfair to you own self but to the other party as well.

Aku mencoba,
Merindukan bayangmu,
Karena hanyalahbayangmu yang ada,
Hangat mentari dan terangnya rembulan,
Mengiringi hari-hariku yang tetap tanpa kehadiranmu...

And now, I am back in the league but the only difference is I am not yet in the game.

Too late...

Oo sayang,
Dapatkah aku memanggilmu sayang,
Sampai kapan,
Aku pun tak sanggup pastikan,
Kudapat memendam seluruh rasa ini...

I have put all my heart to the game though there's a big question mark whether the game will be played or not.

Akupun tak sanggup tuk pastikan,
Kudapat memendam seluruh rasa ini...

(all excerpts are taken from Sampai Kapan- Maliq & Camelia from 1st Maliq and d'essentials)

It's The Time of The Month Again!

2007-01-04T17:04:00.000+08:00

It's time to do the Maths again.

It's The Monthly Budget.

It's a period of contemplation in which I have trouble remembering the bills I need to settle despite having to do this for more than a year now.

Still I need to crack my head open to recall all the items.

Still I have to redo the list due to my forgetfull-ness.

Still I need to recalculate.

This month, I have a huge balance in my account and still have another 100+ to get from last month's claim.

Somehow rather I think I miss something out...

But what is it???

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Unwrap The Skins

2007-01-03T14:47:00.000+08:00

Level of open-ness:

Level One- Public Property

Myspace & Friendster

Level Two- Semi Public

B.i.t.E ME!!

Level Three- Private

TWIAS&WATP

Out of 4, 2 are very active, 1 is being updated ocassionally and another one is still there with no frequent updates.

Bleh!

2006-12-29T10:19:00.000+08:00

What's with the I-Can't-Blog fuss?

Kecoh lah!

How Funny and Stupid I Sounded!

2006-12-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

I didn't know what has Blogger done to my setting. My plain white background was suddenly shifted to the one I used to use on my initial days of blogging.

Speaking of 'initial days of blogging', I ended up browsing some of my archives. Trust me, if there was no one around, I'd laugh like nobody's business!

Based on my writing stylistic, I am comparing my level of maturity in 2003 with the current one.

But then, I don't think it'll require much of a calculation.

It is damn obvious too conclude that Kay in 2003= macam kanak-kanak!

Sometimes, I even feel a lil shameful to continue reading, mostly due to the amount of amusement you can find in those entries. Sungguh lah tak matang!

Oh well, I am now more mature than I was back then in term of mentality and emotionally and I also have grown to be more flexible towards some 'rules' which I used to see as a No-no. :)

After all, life is about growing better and better and wiser and wiser each day.

When you get the chance to meet more people, you will feel the same.

So people, here I am giving you a chance to read about my life for the past 3 years. I've exposed the monthly archive for easier viewing.

Along the way, you might say "Gile immature!" or "Apedaa..." or even "Ntah hapa2 ntah budak ni." but I trully understand you.

:)

Have a nice day people!

HELLO!!!

2006-12-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

I am currently not active here. Feel free to search for me here The Station

Have a nice day! :)

Oh Thank You, God!

2006-11-22T10:13:00.000+08:00

'Saved by the bell' means having to discover that the assumptions playing in your mind all these while are proven to be true and true semata-mata true.

While not all 'aged', single men chase younger girls for the fun of exploiting young, tight pussies, we do have some universal reservations on them. Generally, when you associate older men with younger girls, you will get the whole picture.

I am trying to be fair to everyone by avoiding all sorts of generalisation and try to make my own conclusion based on observations.

I should be awarded a few brownie points here.

All I'm trying to convey is that I don't despise the idea of having older man, nor getting a younger chap as my lifelong companion. When it comes to the matter of jodoh, nothing can ever make you avoid it. That's what I come to learn while being in self-discovery period.

But...

...when some Old Fella in you acquaintances list starts to or tries to breach the comfort zone, you will start to question his motives. And trust me, when that happens, every single action of his will spell 'motive'.

The issue of spitting a straight 'No' has always become a brainteaser to me. Watching Drama Minggu Ini and Cerekarama or Yusuf Haslam productions never fail to place me into deep contemplation (yeah, you heard me right!). Remarks like "Just say No to him, dammit!" or "Eeeeee... Bodonye pompuan tuh! Just cakap Tanak je la. Stupid!" are those you will hear each time I come across a scene where a girl was about to get 'raped' (subtly) by her boyfriend (or something similar to that).

But...

...when it comes to real implementation, you need definite, unfuckable courage to make his face wet with your spit (the thicker the better... the greener the better too!).

The question is: What is the success rate?

I guess not even close to 50%.

Instead of giving a straight, I-mean-business-buster! look, most of us girls will try to be nice Barbie and replace the obvious 'No' with some other 50 words-long sentences. Usually, the drama won't stop there due to vague messages.

The bottomline is, as much as we want to deliver that particular point clearly, we sometimes tend to allow our kesopanan dan kesusilaan gets in the way for the fear of hurting others' feelings when it's bloody damn clear that the real mangsa keadaan is US.

That's not good... very not good...

Back to the relation between older men and saying No.

A man (from my perspective), as they grow older... alone... tends to get a tad too sensitive over rejections even when the No is delivered to him in a very nicely and subtly manner. Just look at their not-so-cooperative reaction. Menjengkelkan!

What happen to "Men will become more mature as they ripe." thing?

Eh! Wait a minute... They don't actually mean the 2 'dangling fruits' underneath the boxer, do they?

I rest my case (for now).

Sucker!

The World Is Not Enough...

2006-11-20T10:06:00.000+08:00

... and Octopussy is a name for a chick in Bond.

*rotf laughing like hell!*

After a lengthy, 'finally-I'm-having-a-conversation-with-a-girl' chat, it is obvious to see that I've become a not-so-very good influence to her. On the brighter side of it, I do feel good about it, especially if that subject matter is a thing that can make you feel damn, bastardly good about yourselves.

I know I suffer from Superiority Complex Disorder and I am establishing my own cult consist of people who need to feel damn, bastardly good about themselves after going through bad times.

Don't tell me I didn't warn ya.

Lately I've been spending much of my time idling around and hopping from one PM site to another, looking for relevant topic to enhance my document. With 470 ml of black coffee as booster, (I think) I'm able to think slightly straight. But do wait till I see the face of the Boss. He does make my heart skip a beat upon his grande entrance. *gulp*

I have completed all my recent-puchased novels. Hamilton never fail to drag me into her Blake world. Never fail! How I wish most non-literature novels are like that.

*wishful thinking*

Jolly Friday

2006-11-17T13:49:00.000+08:00

When I started a heart-to-heart conversation on feelings and emotion with a person, I didn't expect that the aura would actually spill to others even if I wasn't being the initiator.

Nevertheless, it's indeed an interesting topic as the week ender.

***********

I am soo very looking forward to be in Manila! My research has covered the basic things: Halal food spots, reasonable accommodation, knowledge on the area...

Expenditure-wise, still need to revise. I am giving myself 1K to spend. More than enough if the shopaholic mood doesn't surface. Food-wise, even if I have to spend on that, I doubt it's going to be that much.

Note to self: Pack Food for Survival: Instant noodles.

One already-planned activity: water spa.

Seeing the excitement, mom has already begged me to bring her to the next trip. So, for the next round, I'm going to bring her along but under one condition: She can't be grumpy with the selection of country.

Next one will most probably be Bali.

***************

On the lighter note, it's Friday and I have a meeting with Boy. Apparently there's a shortclips showcase at 9 tonight at Zouk.

Better be good.

***************

When The Goin' Gets Tough, You Just Have To Get Goin' Baby

2006-11-13T09:31:00.000+08:00

First news: My flight to Manila is confirmed. A Brownie point for me.

Second Brownie point for me: I've got to see weekend in Manila, especially the nightlife. The not so good news is: I have to pack Maggi Mee in the luggage. Oh well... 4 days of instant noodle won't send me to the ICU. :)

On the other not-so-quite-good news, I have to skip my exes' wedding reception. Blimey!

To my dearest former boyfriend, this is for you:

Dear My First Ex,

I am sorry for not being able to attend your wedding ceremony. As much as I love to see your wife and the setting of your reception (because I want to see your wedding planner's creativity as I can't tolerate bad wedding decoration!), I can't sacrifice my interest though you insisted me to be available even before I booked the tickets. Not that I want to avoid seeing you on the dais (hell I like going to weddings!) but due to cheap tickets availability, I have to choose between Manila and you and I am sure you already know the card that I picked.

And I really hope you won't think that my being absent is an indicator that I am still not over you because if I am not, I wouldn't have invited you to my house for dinners and lunches post-break up.

No need to worry though. I will try to get something from Manila for your wedding gift. :)

Oh yeah, one more thing. When I look at Irwanshah, I seem to see some of your resemblance in him.

One more thing, don't be nervous on your wedding night!

Signed,

~kAy~

*******************

I do have a few more news to spill but time is needed before they can be certified as fit to publish.

******************

My beast has decided that you are soo very not going to be my Ulfric.

Sorry!

Next!!!

It Ain't That Bad...

2006-11-06T14:06:00.000+08:00

Weekend indulgence.

3 Open Houses and a wedding. I ended the day with a headache and started today with diarrheathon 2 hours before a meeting with a client. So, instead of taking A pill, I took A COUPLE.

Better.

************

Anita Blake is back! It's time to forget on-time sleep. Sexy as usual.

************

Despite the busy weekend, I managed to take a while and did some thinking and seeing myself opening up to something I've been restraining myself from.

Last week spelt STRESS. Even conferred a couple of friends for guidance. To me, it was like a deja vu of my last experience somewhere around last year. Basically, they've provided me with the answers I wanted to hear. Kudos to that.

However, something stopped me from executing what I wanted to do and I left doing nothing about it for I am back on track. No more Ms. Rasa Macam Nak Terjun KLCC.

*************

I have recognized my need instead of denying it. The point now is wheter I want to start looking into it or do what I normally do: Buat dono again.

Am not being presented with a bag full of choices and yet I am treating it as if I am.

Mengada nya!

*************

Ouch! Ooh! Yeaouch! Aaaa!

2006-11-02T17:32:00.000+08:00

From this month onwards, 3 out of my 5 lunch time will be spent in the gym studio.

Am now a yoga and pilates junkie. Since the 8.30 pm Balance schedule has been delayed for additional 10 mins (which makes it 8.40 pm) and since there's a high possibility that I might not be able to frequent the Saturdays class as well as the above 7 pm classes, I opt for the lunch time ones. I may missed one Jam class on Wednesdays or most probably on Saturdays but I don't mind doing some sacrifice.

My interest has shifted to flexing and toning the ancient way.

So far the muscles are doing okay. Like they said, it's all about the proper breathing technique.

******************

Lifewise, I got a bit (or I should put it as VERY) depressed over a thing yesterday. The 12.30 pm session and a scalding hot shower were a help.

******************

On the lighter side, my ex-colleage 'predicted' that I'll get married in 2007. (which is a few months to go). At times when the Lonely and Stress bugs hit, I do wish that I am married. As for now, I wish I am.

*****************

I got myself a Guess perfume, a fragrance that I don't even think of buying. But I did. Compulsive shopper. Bleh! The scent so far is doing good with my nose, unlike Escada.

I also bought 2 more of Anita Blake Vampire Executioner Series. The House for Mr. Biswas has to be put on hold. Same goes to Iron John: A Story About Men.

*****************

There's another possible reason for me to celebrate life. I have helped a friend to secure a business with a big organization. I am happy for him and I hope I can be a help for more people. Nevermind the thoughts of not getting any such 'set up' by others. I am not the 'dengki' type. Perhaps I should pose Referral Fees?

Keh keh keh!

*****************

Being a frank person, I prefer to tell the exact truth of what I am feeling. It's better that way than letting it become a cancer.

Maybe I think a little bit too hard.

Maybe I don't have anything else to worry about, thus the thoughts.

Maybe I am tired of spending the time talking to myself.

Maybe I lack of people surrounding me.

Maybe I am still holding back.

Maybe...

Raya And Toilet-o-Rama

2006-10-30T18:38:00.000+08:00

Am not sure if others feel the same like I do.

Do you agree with me that the morning sun on the 1st day of Raya feels totally different from the normal weekdays?

Same goes for the weekend mornings. Given a situation where I pass out and lose track of time and day, and eventually wake up on a weekend, I would be able to tell that the rays that hit my skin is the weekends.

Strange but true.

My Raya has been great (overall) until the parts where the aunts started to ask me about marriage. Being an honest person, I told them the truth. :D But sometimes, the truth is not much of a help either. A neighbour of mine is actually having the thought of matchmaking me with her neice. Not being a fan of matchmaking myself, I freaked out upon hearing the suggestion.

"So what the big deal? You just accept the suggestion and just be friends with him. It's not that she's expecting you to get married straight away anyways."

"Noooooo!!! Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!" *shaking my head vigorously*

If my head is being attached to the body by using only screws, it would definitely fly off my body that very moment.

Nonetheless, it was a very entertaining moment.

I am all geared up for that 60-million-dollar question.

C'mon! Bring it on bebeh!

By the way, I am struggling with my stomach. Lately masuk angin pulak...

Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya to all the Muslims! :)

Maybe I'll Just Write About It

2006-10-19T08:19:00.000+08:00

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right. So far, my gut feeling hasn't failed me yet. Nevertheless, I am not going to assume that this is untrue either.

Peoples' reactions differ with situations. For instance, a boss will start to act a bit wierdly to an employee he wishes to sack or a girlfriend will show less affection towards the boyfriend (who is about to receive the EX title) when she has found a better guy to be with. Another more positive scenario is when a friend suddenly develops some feelings towards his/her other friend (of the opposite sex or not) and he/she will start to become more concern on everything she/he does.

The bottom line is, when you start to feel 'different' towards a person, be good or bad, the feeling will bring together the treatment you'll give to that certain someone. After all, how we feel is reflected by the way we act.

When you've been close to someone for a long time, it does not require a rocket scientist to tell you what exactly the other person is thinking about you. Unless you are a very ignorant person, you will slowly detect it. As for me, I can easily say that I am currently facing 2 similar situations, in which both are very much under control.

What is the best solution to this one may ask.

One thing I've learnt as I grow wiser: Do not let ego drag you to your own grave.

I have 2 options to select: 1) To allow the ego to take control and forever see myself as the innocent one, or 2) To be rational and try to get everything back the way it used to be.

For both situations, I have opted option #2 and I praise myself for that.

In the end, it all depends on those individuals whether to opt for the same option and retain the relationships or to punish me with their egos.

I still am doing my part to fix things but I also know that things won't get back to normal over the night. Uncertainty always exists and I don't want it to make a U-turn.

All I am hoping is for everything to get back to the way they were supposed to be.

It all in the hands of time and I don't mind to wait.

If, without my realization, I did things that hurt their feelings, my sincere apology to them.

The only thing I need is honesty...

Who Says Dating Requires Rules?

2006-10-16T13:32:00.000+08:00

The Monday morning is the time I dread the most. First, it means I have to wait for the second part of the day before I get to sign off. Second, the fact that I have four more days to face before the weekend, makes it the worst day of the week.

Eversince YM is acessible through The Office network, I will start the day by hunting any interesting person that can at least make me feel 'alive' even for a bit. Fortunate for me, I had a great start (at least for this Monday. Not sure about the rest), or I should put it as splendid.

I've been knowing Francis for more than 6 years now. Still remember the time when I had to obey terrible rules in KMM in which one of them is not able to go back even over the weekend. He was in KL back then. The only mean of communication was my Nokia 5120. I didn't even get the chance to meet him.

Over the past 6 years, apart from the once-a-while phone conversation, most of the time, we would chat online (not to mention some heavy flirting along the way).

Another heavy flirting happend this morning.

For two beings who are single and very much available, temporary flirting is fun. It's like a cup of water to a 1 year-old pokok cempaka in a sunny day-- not adequate but good enough to sustain it for a few minutes.

As arranged, we will play the dating game while having my vacation. Holiday Romance and Kay... How fun! (And who knows. If things go very well, something good might come along the way).

If the dating game is this easy, I don't mind doing this forever.

Hi

2006-10-04T12:59:00.000+08:00

If I'm not here, I will be over there (The Kutuk Shack).

Liquid Ozone

2006-09-29T17:01:00.000+08:00

When you are in desperation, you will tend to lose a bit of your sense of judgment.

Hate it but can't help it.

C'est la vie!

So Urm... Yeah

2006-09-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

According to a Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) study, 27 per cent of
Malay women aged between 20 and 40 who chatted online were looking for a life
partner.

Okay! Add me in GoogleTalk. It's lyteblew@gmail.com

Hamek kau!

More on the survey...

Speechless

2006-09-20T20:03:00.000+08:00

Basically, I am angry, terribly angry. But I am too tired to shout. This anger is too extreme till I've decided to let it slip away...

Being close to a person is not really a good idea. That person can take that advantage to crush you to the ground. I am well aware of this fact. The only problem is to determine the level. One can never know about that till something actually happens to you.

Apparently, no matter how careful you are, you can never tell how careful is careful. The best action is to never tell. To never share. To never put your trust even that person swears to God that he/she will keep the secret.

I have made my conclusion. He can never be trusted. Looks can be deceiving. This is what we call 'Janji Melayu'. The promise in his context is the 'Yeah, I won't tell' assurance which can be sold with plain saliva.

Of all time, why now?

And please don't blame me for not trusting people...

It Is A Jagged Edge!

2006-09-19T18:35:00.000+08:00

You need a sand paper to smoothen it.

But that is when we're talking about a touchable surface. How about the one we always address as 'literally'?

Somehow, this is a bit complex when it involves the level of mind activities vs time. Complexity shouldn't arise at this hour.

To wait for the exact moment of escapism is a subject of uncertainty. So, I am trying to give myself a comforting pat at the back by constantly telling The Heart that I am actually on my way to the so-called escapism. Going out of town is considered as one. At least, the time will be spent mostly inside the hotel room with the baggy PJ and a stripy cute pair of socks- the possession I always bring along if the trip involves the word HOTEL.

By the end of the year, I can consider myself as presenter serba boleh; giving talks to the youngest of age to the senior citizens.

Yeah!

There's nothing that you should be worry about. The state of mind is still at the OK level (in other word it spells S-A-N-E).

Err... do you understand what I am trying to convey at the first place?

It's okay because I don't think I do either.

On a lighter note, I need a good distraction. Oh, nasib baik puasa dah dekat. Boleh lakukan proses penyucian jiwa dan hati dan menghapus dosa. For all you know, perhaps I will not need a REAL escapism (refer to previous entry) to calm the mind.

Do you want to know what I really want at this moment?

A good 15 minutes of heat torture in the sauna room followed by a cold shower...

Oh, have I told you that I am planning to become a part-time BodyJam instructor?

Hell yeah!

Desperation

2006-09-18T18:25:00.000+08:00

Desperate for a vacation.

I've already contacted a friend in the Phils regarding this wish. This is a plan that is long overdue. No matter when, I am going to save some cash and make this happen!

Geram Part 1

2006-09-11T19:52:00.000+08:00

As I am writing this, the Title box above this editor is still being left empty. I'd worry about it later as the most important issue I'm going to talk about is working with people who is either a) has a brain the size of a peanut or b) 'Ignoramus is my middle name'.

To have someone to babysit in an organization is a very tiring thing to do. What more if you are being weighed down by tasks that grows in the IN tray 10 times faster than the ones you shove into the OUT shelf.

I am exhausted, mentally exhausted. I am in need of a good break. Without this break, I'll probably be in the Mental Ward. However, the IN box does not permit me to do so.

I don't care.

Lets go back to the former issue: Having dumb people to work with you. Apparently in my case, he is not really a dumbo. Insensitive and lack of common sense are more suitable of the words to express. Prior to working, my tolerance level isn't as impressive as what I possess now. He should be thankful to meet me Now, rather than Then. Or otherwise...

I guess I am too old to argue about petty things...

Saya Wanita Perkasa! Jeng jeng jeng...

2006-09-06T19:12:00.000+08:00

Okay, looks like the blog has started to breate again after being in quite a long a hiatus.

*nods*

The Urgency has arrived...

Suddenly, I feel lonely...
Suddenly, I feel bored...
Suddenly. I feel like wanting someone to manja-manja with...
Suddenly, my mushiness arrive...

Yep! It's THE SIGN people!

IT'S THE SIGN!!!

I want to have a boyfriend...

Pathetic bukan?

Dey, when you have been in the same position only-God- knows when, it'll sometimes give you with this type of impact.

My colleage told me to start looking for one. For some reason, he's right. Quite a nice idea. However, everything requires a point to start. In my case, I need a place to initiate the whole (proper and not for bad intention) flirt-o-rama drama.

So tell me where to start or I'll get my mom to look one for me.

People, help matchmake me please...

p/s: If you conduct or happen to know any social party (and not some foam party or an orgy), you can include me in your To Bring list.

Okay, I definitely need to stop making myself miserable just because of this topic before I decide on any drastic (and pathetic) countermeasure to solve this.

*waves to everyone*

Laters!

Another Update

2006-09-01T20:52:00.000+08:00

Apart from deterioration of the stamina, I am doing fine. I've skipped my routine for more than a week. Halfly 'pancit' (unfit).

August had been quite a stormy month. A mixture of everything, which focused mainly on the dark clouds rather than the sunny days. Hazy (pun intended). The bottomline is, last month wasn't quite a merry one, of which I don't want to touch anything on it.

Let me feed you with better candy.

I got promoted! (and obviously lah with the increment of salary.)

Uh-hurm.

One successful woman.

Only not yet successful in the L Department.

Let's celebrate people!

Oh yeah, some pictures I'd like to share...

Those shown pictures are taken on my cousin's wedding day (same age as I am).

This Is A Quick One (I Guess...)

2006-08-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

Centuries have passed since I go into great details on 'incidents and accidents' of my life. It's been quite a while... I agree.

I celebrated my first year anniversary with The Company and again, I received another increment. Another round of increment and I will have to give my family a treat due to an arrangement made during the initial stage of my working era. It comes at the time when I need it the most : the time when PTPTN is about to start sucking a portion of my salary.

The story about me and my work does not end here...

[START QUOTE] Workplace flirting is not advisable for those who can not separate gushing libido and professionalism. I can. So, I am exclusive. [END QUOTE]

Uh-hurm. I am so much into practising scandalism at the moment. It's the best thing to do. No strings attached and at the same time, emotionally satisfying. (Please listen to Natasha Beddingfield's Single. Sangat cocok skali with my current need and requirement).

Yes Neo, when we are in tremendous stress, our libido tends to increase together with the stress-o-level. So yeah, I trully understand your situation... ;P

On the other side, I am already 24.

24, still single and hot.

No kidding!

This Is Going To Be Short

2006-08-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

1) I am still alive and healthy.
2) I am still notty. (...*)
3) I am super busy.
4) I am having mild flu.
5) I am about to go insane.

Thank you.

(p/s: The next update will probably be published 10 years from now. But rest assured that I will not close this blog... unless I am already 6 feet underground la.)

Loosen Up My Buttons Baby!

2006-07-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

Notty! Notty!

Boiling Point

2006-07-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

I hate communication breakdown. I really hate it. Why can't they just convey it clearly or at least have the courtesy to tell before disappearing?

I am trying to be calm. I really am. Usually, when I am being forced to be calm, I'll end up breaking down.

Do you want to know something?

I am on the verge of tears. If I seek for someone to pour my heart out, that person is going to see me crying.

That is the last thing I want to allow to happen.

You may call it stress.

People's attitude can stress me out. I am not kidding.

Perhaps it's the sleep that I lack of. I had trouble sleeping last night and had to wake up at 5.30 am.

So one word: Cranky.

I hope you will enjoy your weekend because I really hope I will...

... or at least a tiny bit of happiness.

Planning Schemanning

2006-07-03T19:44:00.000+08:00

Who says project planning is simple?

Unless you're thinking about THE OTHER type of project.

Notty, notty!

Even that can get quite complicated.

Tonnes of considerations and (logical) assumptions to make to meet a sensible deadline.

So along the process, I overlooked a few important points.

And hopefully not another few...

*knocking her head on the wall*

This is going to be another busy week. Been busy attending to this strategizing thingy. I forsee another busy weeks, mostly until the middle of the month...

*gives her sweetest smile*

Have a nice working days people!

Follow Your Wishing Heart

2006-06-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to soak up the sun without the rush. Endless proposals burnt 60% of my energy. So basically now I am back.

Back to flirtster.com (now this is VERY important!).
Back to having a calm mind.
Back to resuming the halfway-done work.
Back to bugging the staff to buck up.
Back to .... flirtster.com

Yeah, I can't help it. It's part of my job description.

They are having a new set of tracks, which in other word means the introduction to new dance moves... just at the right time... (as I have already mastered the previous one, chewah!).

I just noticed that 2 of my exes are 'anak cikgu' and ironically, the one in my flirt list is also a son of a teacher.

Oh please don't spank me!

When Stupidity Strikes Like Lightning...

2006-06-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

The hypothesis on the level of stupidity among Malaysia mainstream artists can now be turned into a solid fact. This is not solely made based on their education background but due to the kampung mentality most of them possess.

I was feeding my kittens and the kitchen TV was airing an interview with this new artist. The TV was loud enough and I couldn’t help myself from expanding my ears on the whole interview session. So yeah, the host followed the normal procedure of the show and later came to the question where the singer was being asked about her career. The question sounded like this:

"Given the situation where you are asked by your husband to quit singing, are you going to stop?"

*laughing*

"Ok lah, let’s link this situation to you. Will you quit showbiz when directed by your wife? It's like, you won't be able to sing, host a program, act and stuff... Will you do that?"

Her answer made me cringe.

Obviously she didn't know what she's talking about. Or maybe she's dumb.

I prefer the latter 'cause it sounds more like it.

First, to hear such answer (indirectly, as the answer was given in a form of a question. But you get the drift...) from a Muslim woman who has obtained the title 'wife', is in a way indicating that she's very the jahil. Wasn’t she being conveyed about the hukum agama?

I am not a certified ustazah to comment more on this but that’s the basic rule. It’s a shame that even a ‘jahil’, unmarried person like me knows about it (it is obvious that in this case, she’s more jahil than I am…).

Secondly, she redirected the same question to a guy who obviously is a Man of The House by default; someone who governs based on his own decision; which is obviously very pathetic.

So sad lah this woman. Pity her.

Not my fullest intention to bash our local breed but that’s the bitter (not so) sweet truth we have to face. Though shameful, nonetheless amusing.

Doncha think so…?

Imma Lone Ranger... Yeeeeeeeeeee Haw!

2006-06-15T18:43:00.000+08:00

I have close friends but a few. The circle is just nice. Not that big and not that small. You can still count even after losing a hand.

Comfortable.

Those in the circle are a bunch of people who are not clingy, in the sense of being too attached to me. Just the way I want it to be.

I don't like to be too close to a (non-blood-related) person.

I don't like to share my personal matters. Some may have the idea that that is one of the essential things in order to gain the Close Friends certificate.

If that's the case, au revoir then.

Not my way.

There are times when I want to shut myself out from anyone. The feeling comes unalarmed. And when it appears, isolation comes into picture. I know people don't like it. It's like "Hi! It's a great day isn't it? How are you doing today? Fine I hope." on Monday and "Hi." and walk away on Tuesday.

I know it's called selfish. At least I am here to admit it.

Currently, weekends are spent hanging out and draging mom out of the house. Both Mom and Dad are my REAL close friends.

I know friends are important (in some ways) but you won't die if you have to live with none, which is quite invalid.

Bleh!

I Don't Mind Working In Seremban...

2006-06-12T16:38:00.000+08:00

... because the distance is less than my everyday trip to Damansara and home.

I don't like BodyCombat though I have a history of joining Karate.

It's Monday and I wish to head straight home (and that can only be achieved after the completion of this entry.)

To Anon who thinks that my life is nice, thank you. It is indeed nice.

Again the Guy Graph is at it's lowest of peak. Not of fate but of choice.

I have decided to keep those two kittens. Yeap, I am adopting 2 abandoned kittens. Such an irresponsible mother. They used to have another surviving sister but she was no where in sight the next day I took them in.

And I don't wish to know her fate.

You see, I love cats very much. But once they grow big, they will not bother to even stay home. It's cool though as big cats are not as adorable as the kittens.

I was and am a bit cranky today due to lack of sleep. On Sunday, the only proper rest I got for myself was the time when I hit the bed. PD and Seremban 3/4 of the day and the other 1/4 was spent in KLCC, looking for a new pair of shoes.

How would you feel if you know that you will most probably not be seeing the sun in 6 months time.

My uncle is diagnosed with Stage-4 liver cancer and has only 6 months to live.

Herm...

A quick update on the Anon Caller:

A very important lesson to learn: Next time, should you want to deposit your cheque and you have difficulties using the scanner, use the damn envelope instead.

That's where he got my number.

Thankfully he doesn't call me eversince.

You might think that I could've missed the What Ifs (what if he's cute... what if he has a Ferrari... what if he's a Anak Menteri...) but bloody shit I can't accept the way he approached me!

So, end of story of the Auto Deposit Machine.

I want to go home now.

Everybody Knows About It!

2006-06-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

And it's no longer a mystery why our education system takes centuries to improve in term of the usage of technology and quality of teaching and learning. Too much fucking bureaucracy. To make things worse, the existance of smart alecks who don't even know the difference between ToR and already-done-implementation reflects the whole ministry itself. Lack of communication, just like the systems they created for schools! And the result? All the innocents are seen as the guilties.

"Why ain't I being informed about this?"

"How come I don't know about the whole thing?"

Don’t the know that by posing such questions, they are just revealing their weaknesses?

Facts can be bitter but you are presented with no option but to swallow 'em whole.

One more additional fact: The are definitely in serious need of help.

With endless trainings and workshops they attend, I wonder what have they actually achieved.

Most prolly nada.

It is not my fullest intention to bash these people (*eherm… cough cough*. Okay, I'm lying here. It IS actually my major goal.) but the fact that these people fail to portray themselves as people with brain really ticks me off. These people make me wonder. Sometimes amusing. But just now, if my thoughts can become reality, that man would be 1/4 alive.

Yeah, smart alecks are everywhere. I am well informed about that, thank you. But the fact that they sometimes come totally uninvited and unexpectedly unexpected is the shittiest part of all. And to live with one is another major problem. But then again, it is another separate issue which is not even applicable to my current situation (Thank God!).

The bottom line is I am highly fucked up and if I know where he parks his car at, I'll make sure he goes home in a tow truck.

Impudent man.

Blah la wei!

Need I stress my hatred towards SMART ALECKS WHO ARE JUST A BUNCH OF FUCKING DUMBASSES?

Oh, I already have!

I Hate Unknown Numbers

2006-06-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

Last night, when I was about this <-> close to drift into Lala Land, I received a call from an unknown number. I can accept the interruption if the caller is someone I know but to get a ring from someone who is a total stranger is not one of my preferences. To make things worse, he refused to reveal the truth on how he got my number and told me cock-and-bull story on things that don't even exist!

Unknown: Don't you remember the time we met, last two weeks in Bangsar at the corner mamak shop?
Me: Huh? Last two weeks? I didn't even go to Bangsar last two weeks, let alone going to the place you mentioned.

(He didn't even know the name of the hang-out place. Pathetic!)

Unknown: Are you sure?
Me: I am damn sure about that.

(I was bloody preoccupied with the PWTC event to even think of hanging out!)

Me: You better double check the number you dialled. Perhaps you mistyped a figure.
Unknown: No, I didn't get it wrong. I double checked with you that time.
Me: You must have gotten the wrong person. May I know the name of your friend?
Unknown: *struggling to find a common girl name*... This is Liza right?
Me: Hell no! I am not Liza! I am Kay!
Unknown: Are you sure you're not Liza?
Me: *getting more irritated* Of course I am not!

(You think I don't know my own name?)

The conversation dragged until I was about to burst into total anger. He should thank the line that suddenly got cut off. After hearing Putih sneezed, I didn't even bother to think about the caller. Silenced the phone sans vibration, I saw it flashed a few minutes later. At that moment, all I had in mind was to get my beauty sleep. Had to pick a document at Putrajaya at 9.

This guy, he still owes me an explanation.

Am waiting for that.

It's A Tough Shit

2006-05-30T12:45:00.000+08:00

Bless the 1 ringgit Nasi Lemak and a 1/2 boiled egg I had this morning. After that amount of food, lunch is no longer a necessity.

Who said being a leader is a no-sweat thing?

Especially when you have to deal with difficult and slow people (thank God they are not like the previous Tungau we used to have!).

After a lengthy meeting we had yesterday, I hit me that I need to take a drastic step. As usual, I am presented with 2 approaches:

1) The harder way, or
2) The softer way.

The harder way will send the staff to the Ladies... crying, of which I am very capable of doing. (in other word, pemerintah kuku besi). Despite the pros and cons of such approach (on my having the ultimate fun seeing other people suffer from it), I have to bear in mind that not all can tolerate with such way.

So yeah, I've decided to became a 'toothless' lioness and transformed into Mother Theresa.

One down and another one to go.

On the other hand, I need to give myself a break and later a revision (or perhaps a revamp) on the strategy. I almost burnt-out from investing too much energy and enthusiasm.

*thinking of when to utilise her replacement leave*

Must Be Objective Oriented!

2006-05-30T10:22:00.000+08:00

Must be objective oriented... Must be objective oriented...Must be objective oriented... Must be objective oriented...Must be objective oriented... Must be objective oriented...Must be objective oriented... Must be objective oriented...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Heh!

I THINK My Social Life Is Getting Better

2006-05-22T18:32:00.000+08:00

Perhaps, gym IS a good place to get to know new people (preferably GUYS). Last week, I got to know a PT. And the great thing is, he mistaken me as someone by the name of Zurina.

That only took place after we had a 30-minutes chat and the when he asked for my number.

Typical.

But it's okay though. In return, I 'received' 30 minutes worth of free consultation. Better than spending thousands of ringgit for my own PT (not that I need any anyways).

And having to attend to an exhibition is not a bad thing after all. Mom got excited when I told about my meeting with a guy during the exhibition. Later, her imagination crossed the boundary to something she loves to talk about: Boyfriend or indirectly 'future husband' material.

It's spooky alright.

You should see her reaction. The excitement is like as if I am announcing my readiness to get married.

Ouch!

Life is indeed exciting.

Agree With Me, People of The Universe

2006-05-17T19:38:00.000+08:00

If I don't control myself, I might end up adopting the F Buddy Lifestyle and refuse to get married.

I believe in letting go things that aren't meant to be mine and learning to accept the fact that nothing is forever. That is the risk I like to take and am willing to take. Being a worrywart will only hinder you from experiencing things. Being too careful won't do you much good either (I can't be too careful as I have the tendency to become very clumsy and trust me, my clumsy-ness is like a calamitous chain reaction.).

I have to stop chanting the same line.

It's almost like a death wish.

However, some people have trouble letting go and asking people to go. It is all about being firm with what you really want. Call me cruel but when it involves me and my emotion and my life, I will not allow people to dictate or make me feel like trash.

Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.

Clingy people are yucky. Being clingy itself is a yucky thing to do.

I won't tolerate with this type of creature.

The Hand Is BACK!

2006-05-17T18:27:00.000+08:00

The last post was on the 5th. And today is the 17th.

Lets just say that my health was not at it's pinkiest state. In fact, it was like a chain reaction.

Yeah, I was down with a slight fever and flu. A mild one I can say since I still managed to hit the office.

But that was not the end of it.

Last 2 Saturday, my cat bit me. Yeap, MY cat. It was actually resulted from my foolishness for I was trying to pacify him from getting into a fight with a cat (smarty pant!). For the first time ever, I saw puncture wounds on me.

Unlike the fella from yesterday's newspaper, mom quickly rushed me to the clinic. Ironically, both his and my cat possess the same name! That was freaky alright (and most probably the timeline of both events are almost the same, which makes it even freakier).

So yeah... after the fever, I was in another unfortunate event that left me getting 5 jabs within 11 days and the inability to use my right arm. That's basically the main reason of not getting back that soon as I had to utilise my left hand to do basically almost everything, not to forget the throbbing pain I had to bear.

I have gained the usage of my right arm again but the 'tightness' of the joint is still there. Not to forget the clear fluid that still oozes out from the incision. Uh-hum, the doctor made a small incision to take out the suspected pus (which did not happen because the strong antibiotic given by the first doctor I went to had diluted the pus... katanya laaa).

... and I received another round of injection last night... again at the butt.

I still need to replenish my antibiotic stock...

and I still need to do the dressing.

So yeah...

THE HAND IS BACK!

Saya Ingin Bermanja... :(

2006-05-05T09:18:00.000+08:00

I am sick but I decided to hit the office. It feels weird if I don't.

I think I am going to be sick for another couple of days.

*sroot*

Billboard Is Bad For Health!

2006-05-03T09:30:00.000+08:00

And if I focus more on the details of what the model is wearing, I might end up crawling out of the ditch. Motorola should take off the Moto Slvr ad! That girl is distracting my driving! (because I find her facial structure and the eyes... interesting).

It's now May. And I am officially The 'Gym Dweller'. If I have one story to tell, I will tell you about how 'menjengkelkan' people can be.

So yeah, I am a newbie. My coordination sucks and I don't sweat like a pig during that class(though in reality, pigs don't sweat). Why make a big fuss out if it? Just because I didn't shed the sweat as much as you did, it does not mean I didn't work my ass out! And just because you are 'technically' fit, don't la be so poyo about other's fitness level! My intention is to join the dance class and who the hell are you to make fun of my fitness level? At least I didn't leave the class halfway through like you did!

Oh, I am bloody proud of myself!

I Got Cheated!

2006-04-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

Early-morning, straight-from-bed stupidity is the greatest of stupidity.

That is definitely not the right time to make ANY sort of decision. But I did make one anyways. And that person who punked me should be thankful for that. He got me nicely alright.

Say thanks to Kay's inanity please.

Planned to advertise his number to some gay websites and paste the numbers (together with nasty stuff) at a few bus stops in Central Market and Chinatown but I decided to take it rationally. Based on the insignificant amount involved, taking the step to report it to the Telco Company won't do much of a help. I would probably be a laughing stock (again, due to my stupidity and ignorance).

So the only thing I did is this:

Haramkan duit yang dia ambik. He may be 9 bucks richer now, but wait sampai masa kena hisab nanti.

I am done. Have a nice Labour Day holiday!

It's A Day For Celebration

2006-04-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

B.i.t.E ME!! has already turned 3 on April 23rd.

Happy Birthday! :)

When There's A Will, There's A Way....BITCH!

2006-04-26T12:03:00.000+08:00

Don't them people know that there's a proper way to decline an invitation rather than giving lame, pathetic, mundane excuses?

We call it POLITE DECLINATION.

Do you know that you can actually tell if someone's giving fake excuses?

I am oh so fired up with disgust.

You CAN sense it.

Compare these two:

1) "Aku tak rasa dapat pegi. Tak kot. Aku weekend banyak hal lah."

and

2) "Sorry Kay, aku tak rasa aku dapat join korang. Aku ada something already planned weekend ni."

Now tell me, which do you think is more acceptable?

As much as I am well aware of the fact that not everyone is born with 100% good manner, at least don't put yourself in the group that ranks below 50%!

Like mom always says whenever we kutuk about this particular someone...

"It's all about the upbringing..."

The Rugrat Regret

2006-04-24T18:46:00.000+08:00

I am a victim of situation (dramatik gila!). I was being left alone to mull over things I don't have the answers to. It's like being in a sudden darkness; disjointed and quite lost. However, I am adjusting to the surrounding. My eyes are now like the cats'.

*meow*

Go on, ask me about it...

Last week, while having dinner with my sister and her boyfriend, having a chat on companionship, she (dengan selambanya) said:

"My sister is cursed with bad luck when it comes to relationship."

Bedebah punya adik.

It suddenly came to me that my relationships came with a pattern:

1) I knew them through chatroom/blogs.
2) They buat taik first.
3) All of my exes remain friends after the break-ups.

Jolly!

When Do I Get Some Sleep

2006-04-21T19:40:00.000+08:00

It's Bic Runga week.

If I don't get to know new people from that 'work-out institution', I'd better shoot myself on the head.

The first free workout (amazingly) didn't turn me into a vegetable. Good I guess.

Getting back on track can be tough to some people. I know I am back on track. No more internal distraction and no more sudden libido rush (yeap!).

Poor me.

On a lighter note, I need to get more black clothes to complete the 5-Days-All-Black Day and then I can start my own cult. The only diff is, it won't involve any black goat or human massacre. The only activity involved is relentless discussions on how to marinade the perfect roasted chicken for caesar salad.

My next month goal is to purchase the Guess handbag. And the next month of the next month is to get new scent. I am not satisfied with Escada. Somehow, I kinda missed Be Delicious.

It's Friday and I am hungry. Saturday is going to be spent at home and going send the car for brake drum skimming. Kesian itu kereta... Ahad? CSI Marathon...

... as usual lah.

Something Good Will Come Our Way

2006-04-19T18:57:00.000+08:00

That's a schnippit from Bic Runga's.

In a way, it's also a wish that is budding from my inner thought too.

Many would become a hardcore and do things they never thought of doing. For instance...

Just now, a colleage of mine was uncertain on whether to click or not the "Confirm" button for the flight ticket to Macau.

"It's now or never..."

And now it's booked.

Last two days, I visited the nearby gym just for the intention to cheat on another free workout trial but...

... I ended up sigining up for the 1 year package.

No, I didn't get distracted by the guys on the treadmill. Nor the other 'gym salesmen' sitting nearby.

"It's now or never..."

And now it's confirmed.

There are so many interesting things in life that we decide to put on hold or are lacking the needed amount of guts in order to make them happen.

Never say you're no risk taker.

We are already one.

Everyday, we take the risk of getting hit by another car, or getting a sudden cardiac arrest or getting sacked for no apparent reason.

I am an average risk taker. I don't mind taking risks on things I like to do...

... such as falling for a not-so-right guy.

I don't mind feeling really happy for a short time. The important point is that I used to feel the feeling I am supposed to feel when I am in a relationship.

Get what I mean?

Forget about the post-breakup moment. It never is a favourable period. And it never will be if you keep facing the period for the rate of 3-4 times per year. That is pathetic.

Call me weird (a few already call me a weirdo).

I don't mind spending a night growing bags under the eyes and make Kleenex 10 bucks richer.

For someone who only cries a river when she discovered that Putih almost lost his ability to urinate, having a good cry after a break-up is seen as some kind of a release.

Think about fluid in a container that is about to go overflow.

After a good cry, the container will be empty again, waiting for another spillage.

Herm... it's been a while since I cried over a guy.

Oh! What a long entry! I should stop here.

Yeah.. Whatever. Blah!

2006-04-18T18:46:00.000+08:00

I am pretty much damn sure that something triggers the action. Drastic. I hate it. Very much hate it.

So what's with people who have issues on telling the truth even if they are harmless and far from being scandalous.

I hate people who are being in denial when being asked a simple question.

"Are you getting married?"

Fuckers.

I am in the not so good mood. Anything that annoys me will piss me off.

I hate concealors. Not as in the stick concealor which you always use to cover the tiny red bumps but I am referring to this group of people who are not speaking the truth.

If that's the case, better for me to stop any mean of communication with anyone. Probably stop communicating... totally.

And I HATE YOU SUCKER!!!

When You Crash, Don't Forget To Burn

2006-04-12T18:11:00.000+08:00

Sorry to let you down, Seha. No juicy news this week and the many weeks to come. The hotness has grown frigid.

Poor me...

Now (I mean NOW only), I realize that I am missing something in life- the joy (*cough cough*) of having a good companion (and not 'a boyfriend')

So what are the differences between a companion and a boyfriend???

Companion (to me) is a person who is more like a close close close friend who shares just an insignificant amount of lovey dovey emotion. More towards a no-strings-attached type of relationship...

...because I know that I can't afford to have a PROPER boyfriend just by looking at my current position.

Reason: I'm keeping my options open. Can't afford to be faithful now.

So yeah... I am in need of a companion.

Boyfriend, on the other hand is someone who is strongly attached to you, whether sharing the body fluid or your shower gel or even things you eat. In other word, a boyfriend is a companion who is highly capable of becoming your husband (some may not even survive the bf-gf world). Some boyfriends tend to get very overprotective and clingy and suffocating (to mention some..). That is one of the major reasons why now is not the suitable time to get attached to anyone.

Perhaps one day...

Kwikie

2006-04-09T11:39:00.000+08:00

I have 20 minutes before CSI marathon starts. So, it's going to be a kwikie.

I love Tuesday because Tuesday is (currently) a HOT day. Yeah, it didn't rain last Tuesday, so technically, it made it a dry day (to some areas it was all wet).

Oh goodness!

Talking about a sudden libido rush, someone is having a role playing session. *spank*

Herm... tell me something...

Tak gitu, woman?

Now, I Am A Believer...

2006-04-03T19:06:00.000+08:00

When men say they can't read between the line, they don't lie.

And for someone who likes to twist her sentences (in other word, go the longer way before getting to the exact point), some men will definitely find it hard to tolerate with me.

I know one and we even got into an argument which resulted to me getting a silent treatment for a couple of days.

But we're cool now.

So the bottom line is, men need straightforward commands. Never put any hope that they will understand your poetic linguistic.

Same goes to body languages.

After making a presentation to a Big Shot this evening, a colleague of mine, who is a man, asked my opinion on the reaction that guy gave on things we presented. For someone who comes from a Mid-East country with nada understanding on Malay, he had trouble interpreting the body language, of weather the Dato' actually agrees to what we're proposing or the other way round.

I don't blame him. Language DOES play quite a major role.

Oh well...

(Yet another hanging entry from me. :)

I Am A Surfer... A Channel Surfer. Does That Make Me A TV Addict?

2006-03-31T21:12:00.000+08:00

This is a public reminder from Kay, a person who cares for you.

NOT!

I haven't been getting the amount of sleep that I need. Deprived is the correct word. This is the second repetition of the same word for this week... or was it during a couple of entries back?

When I don't get enough of sleep, I'll be very grumpy.

Nescafe seems to have no effect on getting me awake.

So guys, have a nice weekend as I can get the right things out of the head.

The next raise... better be a good one. I've worked my ass out.

Vegetable

2006-03-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was mentally exhausted, but today I am doing okay.

And today, I am ikan Bandaraya again...

... and will always be until I decide to turn into a shark.

The most I can go for talking continuously and non-stop (with no break at all) during a presentation (before my voice starts to lose its body) is 45 minutes. But today, the period stretched until an hour. Thank God they served fried beehoon (which The New Colleague cakap 'tak sedap'... *heh*) and coffee in the middle of it.

19 officers who listened attentively... I am satisfied.

Am exhausted and seems like I am going to miss today's ANTP rerun.

*yawn*

K Double D

2006-03-24T19:24:00.000+08:00

Which stands for Kay is Devastated and Deprived.

Terima kasih.

And to cure her Double D disease, she's going to flirt like hell tomorrow.

She's already in full throttle since the last 2 days and already gone super krey-zi!

That Is Why I Hate Long Nails!!!

2006-03-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

Don't you just hate it when the idea for an entry appears where you least want it be?

There are things in life that you really want to get rid of but you just find it hard to let them go. It's like a mouth ulcer. You will feel the itch to rub it with salt despite the notorious pain you will have to bear.

Okay, maybe that is not quite a good example to give.

But you get what I mean...

There are two types of guys in a relationship that you can choose from:

1) Boyfriend Material.
2) Husband Material.

Boyfriend material refers to a guy whom you want to keep only for a certain period of time. This type of guy is mostly the ones who are there for hanky panky activities. Mostly known as toy-boy or provider (terms may differ from one clan to another). Sadly, there are not many guys who are stupid enough to become the one being played. This type of guys are not for keep and to wait for them to turn into a husband material will take centuries to happen. A girl will have to set her goal correctly and not to plant SERIOUS hope when it comes to this type of guy (you may proceed if the goal involves getting him to provide you with the latest Guess collection).

Husband material, on the other hand, is a guy who has what it takes to create one happy family. They are the ones us girls are looking for when we are too tired and old to fool around; the time when Mid-Life Crisis starts to give endless notification windows. They are responsible, protective, loving and best of all, whatever they give is all about 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' and not the ordinary 'I want you, I need you, I love you baby' craps that you usually get after a good (unfair) sex (where the only person who reaches orgasm is your partner).

So, what's your pick?

I seriously need to go out more often!

I'll Stop Scratching Once I Start To Feel The Burning Sensation

2006-03-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

Scratch my back and I'll do the same in return...

5 (good enough) facts (supported by reasons) why I am still single:

1) I am stubborn.

Guys can't deal with stubborn girls. They only need easy-to-control type and the other type who won't question.

2) I am arrogant.

Guys feel threatened when they meet their match. I am not trying to challenge anyone.

3) I am unpredictable.

Guys don't like unpredictable girls. They are just too lazy to keep up with the flactuation of actions.

4) I have brain.

Guys get intimidated when talking to smart girls, especially when they defend their points with facts that are solely based on logics.

5) I am independent.

Guys love to be in command, seeing themselves as some knights in shining armours with a crucial mission to save damsels in distress. Having damsels with no problem will turn the iron suit into dust sanctuary.

Whoever Said Money Can't Buy Happiness Simply Didn't Know Where To Shop

2006-03-10T19:09:00.000+08:00

As a Lone Ranger, I will not have the luxury of being pampered or comfort by the boyfriend whenever I reach the lowest point of the roller coaster ride. The only mean of cheering up myself is by spending some cash on food or silly things that can get me back to the original mood.

So yeah, I had a rough time yesterday.

Perhaps it's a case of oversleeping.

But am back and kickin'.

And me and Dad are planning to adopt a kittie. He is currently babysitting my fighting fish, Bleu. Since he has all the time in the world (at the moment), the kittie will get all the loving he needs.

Witnessed an interview session, which reminds me of my time 6 months back.

Used to go through the same process. However during my time, the candidates were all damn good till it got me wondering if I would be called to the next round (to which I succeeded). But the one I observed just now was a mixture of Excellent and *bleh*.

Speaking of work, I am happy with my job and am expecting another round of increment soon. *grin*. Syok man!

Will be doing a presentation at the PM's office this Monday and we're expecting a TripleVIP inside the meeting room. ;) Double syok man!

It's Friday and as usual, I don't wish to leave the office that soon.

Saturday plan: Kittie! :D

Sunday plan: CSI marathon (like usual...)

Can You Make It More Complicated?

2006-03-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

I have a bad feeling on this one. And usually, when such happens, it can only mean one thing: Bad news.

The new girl seems to have trouble blending in. Coming from a unispecies community, amongst the very first question posed was "Kenapa tak ada ramai Malay kat sini?" (Why there isn't many Malays in here?). I find her a bit rude too. She's a year older than I but hell I am NOT going to let her force me to call her Kakak! Blergh!

I have one wish: If my gut feeling is telling the truth, O God please let her leave.

"So how do you find working here so far?"

"Herm, ok lah but I definitely am going to take quite a while to adapt..."

Very well.

Don't you just hate it when the only time ideas to blog come is the time you are soo very away from the computer. In my case, while driving. By the time I get my hands on the PC, everything has evaporated into thin air.

Litium told me that my entry were a bit sappy lately.

Ya think so??

What's saucy in my life, you may ask. But as for this very moment, I have nothing to look forward to 'cept finding a few people who are willing to tag along with me to RedZone. Alif can't make it (*sad*). Most of my girlfriends don't possess the same amount of 'wild side' like I do so chances of dragging 'em along is a bit slim.

:(

Bleh!

I'm In The Mood To Party!

2006-03-05T10:31:00.000+08:00

Here!

Bloody Shit! This Mie Instant Is Damn Delicious!

2006-03-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

I am alright, I am okay... but just recently. I was not alright and was not okay earlier this week.

I think I have 'burnt down the bridge' that connected me with Sean for 3 years.

Wait a minute! Not me! Definitely not me!

It's a case of an aged, single man who is being too bitter with the surrounding!

'Nuff of that. I'm back to normal. Thanks to the improving tie with The Scandal, I now can think of something else better than what had happened last Monday.

My PC is still unuseable. The old video card is still attached to the motherboard. Too busy to seek replacement. If you see me online, it will only mean one thing: I have with me the office's portable computer. Since the urge to go online is not as strong as it used to be, that becomes the sole reason why I still don't bother to get the replacement. Same goes to the CD burner. In a way, the machine is telling me to stop burning mp3s and get the PROPER albums instead (Hey! I don't like ALL James Blunts' songs! No way Imma buying the whole album!).

Okay, since a potential scandal has gone *kapoosh* there is a need to seek for replacement.

Social parties.

X

Gym.

X

Through guy friends.

X

MySpace?

I keep on getting requests from kiddies. I DON'T NEED KIDDIES! It's clearly stated that I am 24! Ya think I fake my age?!

Idiots.

Am not sure when will the next entry come. Too much work to do. Besides, I am not the woman of leisure I used to be 6 months back. I need a secretary like Oreos....

One Very Busy Girl

2006-02-27T00:22:00.000+08:00

Last week was spent up North. 4 days both in Penang and Perlis.

Went to watch PGL The Musical last Saturday and only one word to describe the whole theater: SPLENDID. Not only the musical was a brilliant production, I also came to know that our seats were being upgraded from the RM65 section to the RM250 ones.

Waie, sorry to inform you that though the musical is being extended till 28th, the tickets are all sold out. Nevermind of that. Lets just hope that it will make a comeback next year. The comments are all positive and I guess Tiara won't hesitate to bring in the team again.

The meeting with Sean yesterday made me recall about the issue of being platonic and yet not. A nonsensical term I agree but it's the best I can come up with. Pardon my selection of terms and phrases. It's half past midnight and by this time, the brain has started to work 10 times slower than normal (It way passes my sleeping time...*yawn*).

Suddenly I have goosebumps all over my skin.

Brrrr!

And I can never be attracted to him no matter how handsome he is. A part of me is already in alert mode, telling myself to watch my ass when it comes to this guy.

Now, back to the point of being 'platonic and yet not'.

Question that I want you all to answer (even if you're just a passerby):

Can you get intimate (not sexually. Otherwise the focus group will be... different.) with someone with no strings attached (including emotions)? (In other word, a scandal).

Will be back after a week.

Burning Down The House

2006-02-17T19:51:00.000+08:00

It's nothing. I am not planning to burn down any house. Suddenly reminded of The Cardigan's song featuring Tom Jones (tak kuasa nya!).

I am still in the office, not planning to head home that soon. Again the balik lambat situation sent me to all the flashbacks of the erm... good old days.

*slurping the half boiled egg*

The fridge has 7 raw eggs. I decided to treat myself with 2 telur setengah masak. Found Mc D's crushed pepper and salt. Good enough. Nevermind the absence of kicap.

A quick recap of the stuffs happend along this week.

Monday: Post-Confession Day.

Received The E-Mail. We're cool. Nothing actually happened. Work resumed.

Tuesday: V-Day.

Like any other V-Day, I was plan-less. I don't celebrate it. Even if I do, I will always be companion-less by the time the day arrives. But just when I was in the middle of packing, The Jr. Architect called me up.

"Oik, what are you doing?"

"Haaaaaa! Let me guess! You are dateless and you want to ask me out kan?"

"HAHAHAHAHA! Terrer la kau."

"Where are we going? Mc D sounds ok.... Wait a minute! I DON'T WANT MC D! Bring me to somewhere nice! Tamau ABC!"

"Ok, Ok. Don't worry. It's a surprise."

"Baiklah..."

Want to know where we ended up at?

McDonald!

Wednesday: Boring...

Thursday: Ipoh Trip!

Drove to Ipoh again... nothing to talk about unless you find the story of getting a speeding ticket, fun.

Damn...

Friday: Talk, Talk, Talk

Presentation day.

Basically I hate all the kain of my baju kebaya. They make me walk 10 times slower than my normal pace.

Grr...

Anyways, feel a bit sucky lah. It's the menses.

I missed the hugs... :(

I desperately need one. Double :(

A Bag Loaded With Hundreds of Stories

2006-02-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

But I am not going to tell everything. Just the very recent one. Quite significant... at least to me.

There was this burden that I desperately need to let go and if I don't, it will slowly eat the inside of me.

For the first time ever in 24 years I let my guts do the talking.

They did.

And there's not even the slightest tinge of regrets. In fact I feel good, really good (though the first 10 minutes was the worst 10 minutes so far in 2006).

But there's only two days in Weekend. Come Monday and the butterflies are going to multiply inside the stomach, 100 times more that the original amount.

I need a paperbag. Oh perhaps the ability to shield and make myself invisible from selected people.

Life goes on... If it doesn't turn out the way it's supposed to be (in my case 'THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE'), I have 4 days worth of outstation in two weeks time.

Perhaps I should jot down yesterday in my pink, feathery diary and create a special bookmark for it.

I should be worrying about it but instead, I feel quite sleepy. Having to force myself to get up at 9 just to give a wake-up call causes me to yawn like nobody's business, even after a strong Today's Brew. The pants are screaming to be pressed, the top is shouting for a sew, the proposal is demanding for a touch-up...

The beauty of procrastination.

So, do you guys miss me?

Only One Word...

2006-01-29T10:37:00.000+08:00

Sepet.

:)

......................................

2006-01-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

1) Sangat tired...

2) Sangat sangat tired...

3) Sangat sangat sangat tired...

This Has Gone Waaaaay Too Far

2006-01-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

Bloody fool! Bloody fool!

Shit!

Shit!

SHIT!!!

What have I dragged myself into???

Shit man...

*bunuh............................................................. lipas*

This Is Going To Get Very Nostalgic

2006-01-10T21:23:00.001+08:00

First, somebody is in a quest to find this place and he gives himself three days for this. He already found the fotopages (brah-vow!) but not yet the blog (all the best!).

Dear Mr. E Oh Really,

Do leave your trace so that I'll know whether the bet is on you or me.

***************

I wish for the month to end as quickly as possible but at the same time I don't want it to end that soon. The Good and Close Friend is leaving for Switzerland (and not Swaziland or else I would've booked the ticket and start practising the Hung Up dance) on the 1st of next month. So yeah, there will be no more of "Kay..." out of the blue or "Kay, kau ok???" or the call when I go silent for more than 10 minutes in MSN, asking if I am mentally alright when the thing I do that moment is brushing Sam's fur or ironing the clothes...

Herm... uh-hum. I surely am going to miss him.

***************
Still haven't found the perfect .........

***************

I have realized about the fact how small the world is the day I did my pre-U. Up till today, it still hasn't stopped. And it becomes even more apparent to see the connection between two people after the creation of those networking services. Perhaps it happens due to my increasing circle of friends (I am not THAT anti-social, alright.)....

Suddenly, I am reminded of those days when they still have PB online (G, betcha still remember about this one!). People like G, Kuben, Zuril and As3 are among a few people (wait a minute! They are THE ONLY people) whom I have met and still keep myself updated with ('verbally' or via blogs). The rest? Kena abducted atau dah vanished into thin air.

A few of the other still haven't changed (or maybe just a miniscule amount).

People like...

Fat will always be the old Fat-- a fickle minded girl with emotion as fragile as the crystal glass. Memories of her will never evaporate. Been thinking about her for the past couple of days.

Noddy has show a significant change on her relationship pattern. For once, she's sticking with the same guy... and it's almost 3 years now. Something to be proud of.

The last time I heard about Moyo was during the last year when Alif informed me about her brain tumor. Ask me about her whereabouts and you will leave with nothing.

Yat is tremendously happy with her life. About to get engaged I presume. After a tragic end with Ji Wah, she deserves to be in the current position she's in now.

Bee is now a proud system analyst. Still possess the same ol' 'frankness'. Her relationship with Bob is never a told tale. Certain things are best to be left alone.

Elle... herm... will drop her a message in Friendster later. Test tubes and gel...

Suddenly I see flashes of Gone With The Wind.

Sungguh tak releven!

Tweak! Tweak! Tweak!

2006-01-07T19:44:00.000+08:00

Alright. This is something that came across my mind while browsing the shelves in MPH-- 2006 resolution: AT LEAST one paperback per month. Couldn't see anything more on Anita Blake so I guess I have to go for a hunt. Putting The Alchemist as the benchmark , I would want to find something similar to that (nak cari buku lain tapi Naipaul's novel tak habis baca lagi!).

I need your help on this. Please recommend me titles.

(Shame on the CD-ROM player! There goes the weekend for Before Sunset!)

Banana Pancakes is a depressing but cute song.

Double The Joy

2006-01-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

Will I ever ask this:

"Why are you being nice to me?"

... to people who are being nice to me?

Answer: No. I believe in The Scorpions.

"What you give... you get back..."

Madam Zora, If You Happened To Read This Blog, Please Read My Handwriting

2006-01-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

Current situation: It's the PMS! It's absolutely the PMS!

I got stressed over silly things. My phobia approaches when the school reopens. School reopens = less time flirting. 2006 means a year older means 24 means getting near to becoming 25 means old! That's not the major point. If I were in a relationship at this moment, mom would give me a period of a year and 1/2 before saying buh-bye to my singlehood. Call it SAIKO! Yeah, my mom is a saiko when it comes to this.

The solution: will hide my boyfriend under the blanket until I'm 30.

Due to the current situation, I decided to cry while driving home. It's cool being a woman (if not, you will not see more and more men turn into 1/4, 1/2 or 3/4 women). We can cry and no one will make fun of it. Guys cry = sissy = !=macho (tho I strongly object the stereotype assumption! Guys = human = have emotions = CAN cry).

Despite being TECHNICALLY single, one mustn't rule out 'scandals' as part of the 'penyebab otak kacau bilau'. Yes, otak saya tengah kacau bilau sekarang.

And for that I torture my soul with songs that remind me of the... issue (couldn't think of any other suitable word).

It's hard to keep yourself from making stupid decisions, especially when it comes to the matter of love and lust and charity work. (fuyoh!).

Lets get it done and over with, shall we?

"I can't read your handwriting!"

2006-01-01T19:47:00.000+08:00

I would like to have your participation. Type the post below. I want to see how far you guys can understand my scribbling.

Part One

Part Two

Hello, Farewell... Tak Jadi! (Part 2)

2005-12-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Dear People,

It was already July. The deadline is near. I told myself that if I didn't manage to secure a job before The Graduation Day, that's gonna be it. That goal was something that I REALLY hope would come true. As I counted the day, the uneasy feeling got more and more intense.

The Malaysia biggest job search was fruitless.

Nevermind. Will keep on looking...

By this month, I started to think of doing some part time work. It was a tragic experience!

However by the end of July, I was already on my way to becoming... un-jobless. Good news? Perhaps...

August was a month of triple celebration. First, I received a call regarding the job offer on Friday, then the Graduation day on Saturday (so I can consider it as 'Meet the Goal') and finally my birthday the next day.

Oh yeah, for that, I turned down the offer to work (contract-based) in Brunei.

Mid August...

I had quite a tough time adapting. I had to work with a person I hate the most (till it affected my evaluation.) and his bad aura kept on trying to penetrate into my bubble. Rodent!

October was mainly about remembering the past and dealing with the present. Did things I never thought of doing, saying things I only heard on TV (which was quite lame)... Nothing to talk about. Only in November that the emotional hollabaloo (on career) finally decided to recede. I learnt to take it the best way possible, though only God knows the amount of 'war of nerve' I had to endure during this period. By now, I started to let Sunday pass without crying (metaphorically speaking) and Friday is just another Friday.

Still praying silently for help from God.

And tremendous THANK YOUs and a SUPER GIGANTIC BEAR HUG to Blaster and Neo for having to bear with my 'breakdown' throughout the 'tormenting period'. I owe you guys! (Blaster still owes me Chilis).

On the Love Department, everything is working on regular basis (no overtime just yet). The pheromone, the signal transmitter and receiver... they are both working (need to double check the transmitter and receiver though).

December, which is now, was the coolest of all. The person I hate the most (and I've never hated a person this superly before) left The Office. The 'not so' breaking news was the gift sent from Up Above. God has granted my greatest wish! THANK YOU GOD!

The feeling was indescribable. It is as if I've just escaped from a room of hot air.

Aaaah by the way... my part time job at the present moment includes flirting.

As the new year approaches, I can't stop wondering about things God has planned for me (especially on my love life). After attending a few wedding receptions of persons I am close with, I can't seem to imagine myself being in that position. Truth is, the idea of tying the knot doesn't quite fit in the agenda I have for these few years. However, life is full of surprises and I am looking forward to that.

Given the question about 2006 resolution, I would answer 'Nothing'. Pointless to make a year-long worth of resolution when the short term ones sound more rational and easier to execute.

Okeh, for a start, I wish to improve on my 'tengok orang' skill. Suck big time man!

The rest, they are either 1) yet to appear, or 2) fall under the Not Important list.

NB: To all my new friends, really nice to know you guys!

Love,

Hello, Farewell... Tak Jadi! (Part 1)

2005-12-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

2005 Recap.

First half:

No proper resolution (because I never am good at keeping any). It was actually the continuation of end 2004 target. Was in my final semester before bidding Tah-taa to Uni. The target is simple-- to reach the CGPA I wanted before graduating (for I had had enough of my honey mooney years). It was a bit of a struggle but proven worthy. No regret at all. At least I got to experience both sides-- being playful during the first 1 1/2 years and a fighter on the other 2 1/2. Seb baik insaf cepat...

The early part of the year was nice. Though it was a quickie, I enjoyed it greatly till the impact is still present up to this very moment. Thank you for the experience.

By March a new target emerged-- to secure a job before The Convocation (which was in August). However, the quest didn't start immediately. Relax dulu...

April to June-- The routine: Slept at 4 am, woke up at 1 pm.

To be continued...

Hello, Farewell...

2005-12-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

This will probably be my final post for 2005.

December, despite being at its slowest at the Information Processing Dept (read: brain), takes up most of my time and concentration (trust me, I have to struggle...). If I am entitled to get paid for working overtime, I would've been rich by now.

It isn't that bad after all lah...

If I am rajin enough, will give a full report on this coming Christmas celebration at The Office (though I doubt about the appearance of the Kerajinan).

Anyways, Merry Christmas (in advance) to a dear reader from England (you know who you are) and Dave. The rest, enjoy your 3 non-working days! :)

After A Week...

2005-12-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

... At the brain side, I need endless supply of Ginko Biloba. Inside the emotion department, inconsistency of fluctuation of mood is detected. I am physically okay. No broken bones or detached limbs. Been having trouble waking up. Something invisible is sucking my energy and I had to struggle to stay focus. Trips to The Office were filled with yawnings and stretchings. Thanks to the jams. The coffee supply at the pantry is down to zilch. Thanks to me. Big project is getting more and more apparent. I broke a rule I set to myself; of not to bring home the office load. It's an impossible thing to do, I know. Just want to see how far it can go. Two days of bringing the office home. Oh, not forgetting this weekend too.

Remind myself not to screw things up. A major presentation is coming this Tuesday. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I am tired...

Mentally, emotionally and physically tired...

I want and need to hibernate.

NB: Been seeing lots of traffics from the US. It's either 1) the spammers' "visits" or 2) passers-by (It's more likely reason #1...)

If You're On Cloud Nine, I'm on the Tenth!

2005-12-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

BL 101

Quick note: I am in the middle of Naruto Marathon and am taking a break before resuming with #20.

*Yes... yes... I know I am soo very out-dated...*

Will become Penunggu Bilik for the rest of the weekend. Hope the CD-ROM player won't go kaput terus in the mid of it.

*Waves to everyone*

Have a nice weekend fellas!

The Writer Is In Mourning Mode

2005-12-05T19:51:00.000+08:00

Di Satu Hening Pagi...

2005-12-04T20:23:00.000+08:00

If it takes you tremendous effort to get rid a very hard shit out of your rectum, (which later makes you walk out of the bathroom like a retarded chimp), I wonder how do 'em PLUs cope after each intercourse (especially to the first timer)...

*Ouch*

Sakit okay!

That's My Bloody House!!!

2005-11-30T16:08:00.000+08:00

Oh yes... that's the pokok jambu. The opposite pokok is pokok mangga. The orangish coloured house beside the pokok mangga is Rumah Pakcik Karim.

Hahahaha!!! Sangat taksub!

Pssst! Lemme Tell You A Secret....

2005-11-29T20:32:00.000+08:00

And I expect you not to reveal to my parents the thing I am about to tell you.

*whispers*

I drove to Ipoh today... alone...

... and they don't know about it.

This will definitely give 'em heart attack if they ever found out about this.

Good Looking Guys Can Be Bimbos Too

2005-11-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

And guys who are good looking but not stupid will have no reason to get irritated by my statement.

****************

Some may look cute and handsome but IMHO, if you are not equipped with the REAL intelligence, all the flawless, China doll faces will mean nothing (at least to me). Staring at the perfect face 24/7 will not get me updated with the latest political issues in Swaziland or the history of the Reed Dance or even the rules and regulations of becoming a nun!

Oh please!

Kalau boleh, I want someone like Menantu Pak Lah, can or not???

:)

B.i.t.E ME!! *ngap!*

:)